This is fat me

No, I’m not going to entertain you with glorious stories of my fabulous fat life. I’m not going to tell you I’m proud. On the other hand, I am also not ashamed of me. My fat me is an amazing woman with many accomplishments. Among those accomplishments are an embarrasing number of advanced degrees, a brain that is fairly impressive — if totally useless for daily tasks — and an emotional center that feels love deeply and tries to improve the world. But that’s not what this set of pieces will be about.

I am starting today with a picture of me at 230 pounds. Women aren’t supposed to say their weight aloud. It’s anathema. But 230 pounds is what I weighed at the rheumatologist’s office two days ago. This pic is from a week before that. In Israel. Where we ate well but walked nonstop. I don’t even want to know how far above my heaviest recorded 232 I was when we went. I am starting at 230. But that’s not where I am today.

Three days ago, after I joked with the nurse at my rheumatologist’s office about my weight, I started “back” on being a vegan. This time, I am also tryin to go GF, having read Grain Brain, a generally smart book. After reading GB I had gone back to a fully meat-based, fresh foods diet. No, my weight didn’t suddenly sky-rocket. It was already high from the PhD 50. But my body responded by pulling itself into a full-on arthritic flare. As my body did this, my husband’s body responded by losing weight in massive amounts. And he began to feel more energetic. I love my husband, and I love my fat me. And so, I am now cooking for two — and not in the pregnancy manner!

I would mind, but I weighed myself this morning. I woke up not quite feeling like making my morning green smoothie (I’ll fill you in on the recipe below). So I made some coffee, and cooked up some scrambled eggs with goat feta for hubs. I am allergic to eggs, a fact I only discovered from a scratch test. Been eating them all my life. But I do better without them. Hubs, on the other hand, does better in all caps with rainbows and unicorns with them. I make hubs eggs in the morning.

I made us coffee. I was feeling extra happy this morning. I had just finished my second day of work and this weekend was looking lovely. I felt happy. I don’t do happy before noon, usually. But I didn’t think about that at first. After a full cup of coffee, I got up and made my smoothie. As I was finishing it, it finally dawned on me that I was feeling — for lack of a less nauseating word — chipper. Oh, well. Nothing to do about it but go weigh myself.

This morning, I weighed 226.0 pounds.

Now, let me deal with the bullshit, for a bit, because I do live in the US in the 21st century.

I do not dislike my fat self. I do not need/wish/want to look like a Kardashian (heaven forbid). I stopped “wishing” I could be anorexic in the mid-80s. I don’t care what you think about fat me, the clothes I wear, or my choice of hairstyle.

I actually quite love me. I love my funky, quirky sense of style. And I think I am beautiful.

I do, however, have some medical problems that, while not caused by it, are exacerbated by my weight. I have Ehler’s-Danlos Hyperflexibility Syndrome — don’t worry, even doctors say “huh?” — and Psoriatic arthritis, and Osteo arthritis (brought on by the EDHS), and PCOS. And a handful of other disorders all of which stem from my parents’ DNA, and all of which are aggravated by my epigenetic tendencies. And so, I am choosing to lose weight.

But I’m also choosing the one thing my husband’s diet and mine have in common: FRESH FOOD.

I’m incredibly privileged to have this choice, to afford this choice, and to have accessed the information that made this choice available to me. I know I am. And smart me, while she doesn’t hate or even dislike fat me, wants healthy me to have a chance.

Studies show that the best dietary decision you can make is to cut out things that come in boxes, that are already cooked, that have been processed to death so that they have to be “fortified” with all the good stuff that was taken out to make them processable. But that’s for another post.

So here we go. I’ll keep you updated.

Green Smoothie (actually, it comes out purplish):

1 cup baby kale
1 cup baby spinach
1 banana
2–3 dates (2 if big, 3 if medium)
1 handful almonds
8 oz almond milk
1/2 cup frozen mixed berries
1 pinch grated ginger
3 tbsp hemp hearts

Blend enverything until it is as smooth — or as lumpy — as you like. This is approximately 640 calories. That sounds like an awful lot, till you realize that’s about 2 venti lattes. And this will not only keep you full until a late lunch, it will also do wonders for your “daily constitutional.” I call it a green smoothie, but I used to call it the rotor rooter. I think I’ll leave you with that lovely image.

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