A Mother’s (Invisible) Labor: Why We Value Dads More
Katherine Conaway

I appreciate your perspective.

I offer another view, not as criticism, only as discussion. Of course your viewpoint is valid, but it differs from my experience and analysis. Accepting that each relationship is unique, couples negotiate divisions of labor, responsibilities and stewardships. If a certain couple’s agenda seems equal, lopsided or otherwise unfair to the observer, remember that it is what they have negotiated. If their arrangement ultimately doesn’t work for them, they have the options of re-negotiation, divorce, to live in misery- in fact the entire spectrum of human joy and misery index is theirs to consider. I applaud the navel-gazing introspection into your personal family, as such can lead to great personal and inter-personal growth. The area of caution for me is when I turn my lens toward others, in the assumption that my experiences are the norm, not unique. While dysfunctions abound in families, I must bear in mind that while all expressions, analyses and declarations are valid, I hesitate to label any of them “typical”, “normal” or “ideal”. I was fortunate to be taught by both my mother and father that respect for each other’s talents and contributions fostered cohesion in our family, and respect for both parenting roles. My father expressed both in word and deed, the dictum that “One of the best gifts a father can give his children is to respect and love his wife fully”.
My mother’s life reflected the same attitude toward her husband, and we all benefitted.


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