The Paradox of Life: How to Both Accept Yourself and Change Yourself

Self-improvement or Self-Acceptance? The two-word answer: Radical Acceptance

Self-Improvement or Self-Acceptance?

I’ve been in the “improve” camp my whole life. I love change. Look at my Medium profile, I’m a self-development geek. I’m constantly doing experiments to make myself a better person.

I want to be better, smarter, happier. I aim to be more personable, more passionate, more productive. I try to be a better brother, friend, person.

If you are reading this post, I bet you have a similar mentality.

Self-Improvement — “Stand out. Put your best foot forward. Be your best self. Fake it until you make it”

Self-Acceptance — “You are enough. Be yourself. Love yourself.”

On the other hand, there is an unmistakable desire to accept myself the way I am. Since I’m always trying to change, I sometimes lose a sense of my core identity. It is hard to love myself when I’m always trying to be another person.

While the cost of self-improvement is self-esteem, the cost of acceptance is arguably worse — latency and loss of personal agency.

How to strive for change AND be content?

I’ve been mulling over this paradox for years. I’ve finally intellectualized a work-in-process…