An Open Letter From God…

“Jason, I do appreciate you checking in with me before every game, but seriously, just this week I ignored tornadoes in Indiana, Arkansas, Tennessee and Mississippi, flooding in California and a wildfire at Hermit’s Peak (and I used to go ‘shrooming at Hermit’s Peak all the time. I love that place). I watched 20 kids under 14 dies of cancer, 63 kids die from gunshot wounds, and don’t even get me started on the number of fetal deaths I didn’t even lift a finger to stop. And that’s just in the US. Worldwide, forget about it.

“It’s cute that you think I give a rat’s ass who wins a basketball game, but sportsbook is the turf of the other guy, you know, the one downstairs with horns and the pointy fork thing, likes the Asian sex workers, Bob Kraft, Ok? Do I have to spell it out?

“Basketball just isn’t my thing, although I did like to watch Larry Bird play (I didn’t care too much for the shorts, you gotta leave something to the imagination, but in his prime he’s smoke LeBron), but stop selling yourself short Jason; you and your teammate are on your own, just like everyone else one this cold, heartless ball of dirt and polluted water.

“Side note: it was cute when your kid was at the game once, but at 5 years old he really should be in bed by 9:00…

“Trump 2024… Joking,” — God, ret.