Today’s lesson was titled Total Dependence on God; something that I am pretty far away from right now. When I hear “total dependence,” I think of when Jesus sent out his disciples with little more than the sandals on their feet. And that really doesn’t describe me too well at the moment.
Blackaby didn’t say that we all needed to be indigent traveling preachers, but he did point out that we needed to be overly dependent on the Lord and wait for Him. And I struggle with that.
The study was convicting in that it pointed out how often I usually run to other sources of knowledge (Christian books, Christian people, etc.) rather than seek direction from God directly, and wait on Him to answer prayers.
The reality that became apparent to me during this lesson is that, at certain times in my life, I was attempting to be a good Christian without God. I realize that that statement sounds weird in its own right, but I think there is a shred of truth to it. My religiosity is not overly dependent on God.
Bible knowledge. Kind-of.
Fruit. Not really.
Relationship. Not really.
In the church, it seems like some people care more about their toes getting stepped on than stretching and learning anything. It seems like certain people go to Sunday school simply to be a contrarian, and really have no interest in learning anything. I know this because at times I have been this person.
The idea of me being totally dependent on God during those times (or any time really) is laughable.
I come from “modest” American means, which means I am rich, and I have always been rich. I have never lacked food in the pantry or for a roof over my head. Really, the only facet of my life I have invited God to be a part of is the religious part, and the part that makes major life decisions. While I thank God for the food prior to most meals, I do it out of a sense of tradition rather than a joyful heart for his provision. Sad but true. Jesus said that it is harder for a rich person to get into heaven than a camel to get through the eye of a needle.
Maybe that has something to do with rich people like me not needing to be dependent on God for much.
So that is my struggle today. What does total dependence on God look like for me. I know I need to work on my prayer life, and listen for God to answer my prayers, but as I sit here today, I still do not know what total dependence looks like.
So here goes. I will pray that God will reveal what total dependence looks like in middle class America. And do my absolute best to wait for an answer.
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