Wife Material: Analysing the othering of Eastern European mail-order brides

Medium may not be the perfect format but what the hell — lets post a paper.

INTRODUCTION

In the 1800s, lonely men at the American frontier began posting ads in newspapers in a bid to find women from the east of the country, who would be willing to travel and become their wives (Taylor, 2020). Courting them via letters, they would often not meet in person until their wedding day. Thus, the phenomenon of mail-order brides came to life and over time it grew into a booming business which is still alive and well today, albeit in a very different form. Nowadays, the men using the services of mail-order bride websites come predominantly from the United States, Canada, and Western European countries. However, the women they seek are not from the same countries or cultures, originating instead from Eastern Europe (mostly Ukraine and Russia) and countries of the Global South (in particular Southeast Asia). The phenomenon of mail-order brides has been the focus of interest of many researchers, although predominantly it has taken the form of a discussion on the ethics of the mail-order bride industry and in particular its treatment of the women within it (Zabyelina, 2009). While these questions are important and need to be answered, they lie beyond the scope of this paper.

Instead I aim to analyse the ways in which the discourse used on mail-order bride websites constructs the figure of the Eastern European woman as Other and marks her as different (opposite) to the emancipated Western woman. Choosing Eastern European women as the focal point of this paper was not coincidental. While works on the topic of stereotyping mail-order brides exist, they are limited to discussing women from Southeast Asia (and other regions of the Global South), the Western world’s exotic Other (Zare & Mendoza, 2011). Following David Goldberg (2006), who writes that “no group’s experience is reductively exemplary” and “each reveals something both general and unique”, it is my belief that studying the approach to Eastern Europe may indeed reveal something previously unseen, especially given its complicated status within the rest of Europe. Although it has been over three decades since the former socialist countries of Central and Eastern Europe (CEE) began their transformation, despite the tearing down of walls, opening of borders and the so-called “catching up”[1] of the East, the divide between the East and West persists and continues to be constructed and reinforced through a discourse that time after time presents the East as always lagging behind, stooped in poverty and, simply put, not quite European enough. Examples of this divide abound, from EU migration policy that in the past restricted movement from newly accepted CEE members (Drew & Sriskandarajah, 2007) to the precarious situation of its CEE guest workers, perceived as inherently stronger and less likely to complain (Gabor & Rogozanu, 2020). But perhaps none are as insidious as the continued stereotyping, othering and objectification of Eastern European women. One, more recent instance of this took place in 2017 on a talk show on Italian public television, where an entire segment was dedicated to speculations over what makes Eastern European women more attractive to Italian men. The resulting list included positions such as being the perfect wives, forgiving cheating, maintaining a “sexy” appearance at all times and maintaining a slim figure after childbirth (Merelli, 2017) — all characteristics which, as I will show later in this paper, are commonly assigned to Eastern European women. Although this particular case sparked controversy and caused a media uproar, the same cannot be said for many other, more subtle cases in the same vein. Even Melania Trump, the First Lady of the United States, cannot escape this fate, forever stuck in the narration of the helpless, victimized trophy wife (Wiedlack, 2018).

EASTERN EUROPE AS THE OTHER

The division between Eastern and Western Europe has long been identified as a purely ideological one, created during the Enlightenment period in order to highlight Western Europe’s superiority to an uncultured and poor East, which was seen as stuck halfway between Orient and Occident (Wolff, 1994). According to Katharina Wiedlack (2018), the othering to which Eastern Europe has been subjected should be understood as a form of racialization in a relational geo-temporal context. Numerous scholars have noted Eastern Europe’s ambiguous status, referring to this region as Europe’s “failed Self” or “the Other within” (Trakilović, 2019), removed from Europe’s centre and delegated to a peripheral status, both geographic and symbolic (Balibar, 2004; Wallerstein, 2004). This “racism without race” can be viewed as part of the shift from symbolic and biologically determined differences to economic and cultural ones, which was noted by Ponzanesi & Blaagaard (2011). The discourse around Eastern European countries fits neatly with this shift, given that (as noted earlier), Eastern Europeans are perceived predominantly as economic migrants or seasonal workers, accorded a lower status in Western societies. At the same time, however, their position cannot be equated with that of Europe’s “official” Others[2], due to their relative Europeanness, as marked by their whiteness, religious denomination (Christianity) and geographic proximity to Europe’s core. Anna Safuta (2018) terms this duality characteristic to Eastern Europeans as “peripheral whiteness” — a privileged racial position that is nevertheless perceived as inferior in the hierarchy of whiteness and always already marked by geographic location and ethnicity. Throughout this paper I am using the term “discourse” in the Foucaultian sense of the word, according to which it is a system of thoughts, ideas, practices and beliefs which cannot be reduced to mere language and construct our material realities (Foucault, 1972). As such, discourse is always connected to knowledge creation and power (power-knowledge), one example of this being its ability to construct and maintain given power relations and “truths” within society. My reason for doing so is the belief that the content of mail-order bride websites is part of a larger network of knowledge and “truths” about Eastern European women, which in turn shapes the way they are perceived and the types of men who decide to seek them as wives.

MAIL-ORDER BRIDE WEBSITE ANALYSIS

For the purpose of this paper, I analysed the content of ten mail-order bride websites and blogs affiliated with them. Each of the analysed websites contained sections on every nationality or region, although the various terms were often used interchangeably: the words “Eastern European”, “Slavic”[3], and “Russian” would usually blend into one within a single text, making it unclear to which group it was actually referring. Frequently, Ukrainian and Russian women were also listed separately, likely due to their higher popularity amongst the clients of these websites. I was primarily interested in texts which, implicitly or explicitly, created a direct opposition between Eastern European and Western women. The main differences highlighted on the websites can roughly be split into four (interlinked) categories: beauty and appearance, being the personification of East and West, holding traditional values, and lagging behind the Western world.

Beauty and appearance

These were often the first differences mentioned in descriptions of Eastern European women, usually accompanied by numerous photos of attractive women dressed in clothing marking them as “ethnic”, such as furs and ushankas, or colourful scarves. The notion that Eastern European (or Slavic) women are predisposed with above average looks is not limited to mail-order bride websites. To the contrary, it is so widespread, that a Google search on Eastern European women is likely to yield millions of results attesting to their beauty. Simultaneously, their beauty is often described as something inherent or which comes instinctively and easily. We are told that Eastern European women as a whole enjoy the process of “making themselves beautiful” and are “obsessed with keeping the body in shape” while at the same time winning the genetic lottery with their “feminine” shape and “proportional and delicate facial features”. The words “hot” and “sexy” are some of the most common descriptors used. One site even goes as far as claiming that “all Slavic women are incredibly attractive at any age”. In addition, they are described as being very driven and competitive, always judging and evaluating the looks of other women around them.

A mix of East and West

Many sources go further and attribute the difference of Eastern European women explicitly to the geographic location of the region, making their in-betweenness and partially oriental status explicit. For instance, on the site CQMI we can read that “(…) the secret of this special beauty [of Eastern European women] lies in the wild mix of the East and the West” and that the women’s taste in clothing and jewellery “is most likely the legacy of the East, and might never be fully understood by Westerners”. Other sources describe their personalities in a similar way, saying that they are like a perfect mix of Asian (gentle, fragile and feminine) and European (independent) women. Thus, the Eastern European woman is entirely defined by the location she inhabits[4] and stands as its personification. She is white (familiar) and innocent but at the same time mysterious, enigmatic, tempting and impossible to understand by Westerners due to her Eastern influences, all descriptions bringing to mind the Orientalist notions criticized by Edward Said (1978). Many of the sites seem to paint the picture of a uniform Eastern Europe, seemingly modelled after Siberia, describing it as cold, harsh and characterized by difficult living conditions, and both political and economic turmoil.

Traditional values

When it comes to personality traits, mail-order bride sites describe the women predominantly as caring, supportive, pure, forgiving, meek, maternal and — most-importantly — always respecting male authority. They may also be described as strong fighters but only so long as their family is at stake, which only serves to further highlight their femininity and family-orientedness. The websites all assert that no matter how independent and career-focused Eastern European women may appear on the outside, at the end of the day they are willing to give up their careers in order to start a family. These characteristics are usually contrasted with the figure of the emancipated Western Woman, who is described as having lost her family values in her pursuit of an independent, career-driven life. Due to her emancipation she is aggressive and prone to fighting with her partner, unlike the Eastern European Woman, who is understanding, caring and loving. In fact, according to one site “unlike many contemporary women, they don’t see the need to be independent and self-sufficient within a couple”.

Time lag

It is no coincidence that the women on these websites are from countries perceived as developing (regardless of how fitting a label that is). For these sites, “developing” often means “stuck in the past”. Interestingly, however, this is seen as a perk rather than a disadvantage of these women. As one site claims: “We can easily compare Ukrainian women to Canadian or French women of the 60s”. Their perceived lagging is advertised and taken to mean that Eastern European women make excellent wives and share the values of the stereotypical 50s or 60s housewife. Multiple sites claim that these women will always find the time to clean and know many traditional recipes.

Summary: The Modern Embodiment of a 1950s housewife

The four core tropes found on the websites I analysed all come together to present the figure of the Eastern European woman as a modern embodiment of the 1950s housewife, perceived as forever lost due to Western women’s emancipation. This sentiment is mentioned explicitly on several websites, with one stating that “if Western women took off their aprons long ago, Eastern-European brides still do not neglect traditional women’s duties”. All the texts assume that Eastern European women have been unaffected by feminist movements or even actively reject them, because (unlike Western women) they are family-oriented and like men who are born leaders. Many sites explicitly blame feminist movements and women’s emancipation for making Western women less attractive to men and advertise Eastern European brides as a way to move back in time to an idealized version of the past, guided by a more conservative worldview and stricter gender roles. Western women are described as failing in their performance of femininity, whereas Easter European women apparently excel at it. According to one website, “a Slavic woman [will] always remember that, first of all, she is a woman”. They are both the Madonna and the Whore: on the one hand perfect mothers, wives and homemakers, on the other sexy, lustful and good in bed (while of course simultaneously remaining shy and bashful).

DISCUSSION & CONCLUSION

In this paper I attempted to pinpoint practices of othering visible on ten different Eastern European mail-bride sites. As noted by Anikó Imre (2014), the Eastern subject is always locked in their national position. This certainly proves to be the case for the Eastern European women described on the mail-order bride sites analysed in this paper, all of which characterize them as a direct result and even personification of their nationalities and geographic locations. Several websites even go as far as highlighting the supposed harsh living conditions these women are subjected to, implying that all Eastern European women live in the same, uniform, Siberia-like landscape and are faced with (identical) economic and political hardships. From there they draw the conclusion that Eastern European women adapt well, are hard workers and can withstand a lot. Just as pointed out by Rosi Braidotti (2008), their bodies (but more importantly also mindsets) end up being used as markers of authentic cultural and ethnic identity and the stage of development of their countries of origin. This effect is even more pronounced when combined with the orientalising Western gaze emanating from the descriptions and imagery found on the websites.

None of the sites can resist at least an implicit comparison of Eastern European women to their Western counterparts. Eastern European women are shown to be beautiful, extremely feminine, family-oriented and holding traditional values. This is opposed with Western women, who are instead presented as career-oriented, self-accepting (which is interpreted as lacking care about their appearance) and prone to starting fights. All these differences are attributed to Western women’s emancipation and feminist ideals, which are assumed to be foreign to Eastern European women. This assumption is of course not new and has been applied to all who are not considered to be part of The West, as noted by Rasa Navickaitė (2016), who observes that Eastern European sexual emancipation and gender equality are perceived to be lagging behind the West and, as always, permanently catching up to it. As a result, both groups are essentialized, sharing an intimate connection that results from one being defined against the other. However, this relationship is of course characterized by a pronounced power imbalance, resulting from the former’s peripheral whiteness and perceived backwardness. Although in the case of mail-order bride websites this lagging is presented as an advantage and opportunity to obtain one’s very own 1960s housewife, ultimately it is simply the flipside of the same discourse which paints Eastern European women as the inferior Other to their Western counterparts, whose identity is constructed through lagging and lacking [emancipation]. According to Safuta (2018), the relative proximity of peripheral whiteness to, what I would term, core whiteness, results in a “comfortable inferiority”, making Eastern Europeans ideal candidates for undervalued work, such as physical labour and care-work. Wiedlack (2018) also shares this view when it comes to Eastern European women’s general appeal, writing that “the appeal in their [Eastern European women’s] exoticism lies particularly in their similarity (including whiteness) to those who create and direct their invisible/visible Otherness”. I believe that this connection may also be present in the case of mail-order brides, which often market Eastern European women as the perfect mix of East and West. Given that at the end of the day the women are expected to perform (and excel at) carework (cleaning, cooking, raising children, caring for the emotional and physical needs of their future husband), the connection is hard to ignore.

NOTES

[1] This is what Kacper Pobłocki terms “the trap of catching up” (pułapka doganiania).

[2] I refer here to individuals who are non-white, hold the status of refugees and/or diverge in other ways from what is considered “European”.

[3] While there is a large overlap between Slavic and Eastern European countries, the former relates to the language family while the latter is tied to geographic location (being East of the European core). This means that Baltic countries, such as Lithuania and Latvia, belong to Eastern Europe but are not in fact Slavic.

[4] This of course happens regardless of where she or her country of origin are in fact located, so long as she is marked as “Eastern European”.

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List of websites used:

1. CQMI: https://www.cqmi.ca/en/eastern-women

2. My Partner Forever: https://www.mypartnerforever.com/find-hot-russian-women-18.asp

3. Elena’s Models blog: https://blogs.elenasmodels.com/en/different-eastern-european-women/

4. BrightBrides.net: https://brightbrides.net/slavic-brides/

5. ForeignBrides.net: https://foreign-brides.net/eastern-europe

6. Elite Brides: https://elite-brides.com/slavic-brides

7. DatingSecrets.eu: https://www.datingsecrets.eu/why-eastern-european-women/

8. 99 Brides: https://99brides.com/eastern-european-brides/

9. Ukraine Women: https://www.ukraine-women.info/country/eastern-european-women/

10. BridesSumo.com: https://bridessumo.com/eastern-european-brides/