It’s okay to be afraid
maybe it’s for the best.
I recently passed a licensure exam and it has probably been a week since I have become a licensed Electronics Engineer. This was one of the biggest goals in my life that I have achieved(so far). I am happy now and very grateful for this but I just want to tell you that the road towards this dream was not that easy.
There is a 6-month review period prior the exam. As a normal student, the first three months was the most exhuasting part. Imagine reviewing what I have learned (and forgotten) in 5 years and cram it up in just a small amount of time. Plus, there were things that were foreign to us, things that should have been taught to us but never once was heard in our classrooms.
Nevertheless, I was very diligent. I answered all my assignments, read all the necessary theories, and wrote down important notes. It was smooth flowing. But then came a time that I was disheartened. No matter how hard I tried, it wasn’t still enough. My scores during our weekly exams were below average.
I started having thoughts of failing the exam. My friends kept on telling me that I still can do it. It was hard to accept that people believed in me when I in fact didn’t believe in myself.
After three months of reviewing, I decided that I would not take the exam. I needed another 6 months to review. I have accepted that I wasn’t ready.
I still tried finishing the six months but I didn’t have the fire anymore. I started wasting my time with manga and animé. Studying was a rare event. I would read books but nothing really was being absorbed.
I was with my classmates when they got the news that they have passed the exam. I was really happy for them. Honestly, I thought I was gonna be jealous but at that moment I turned it all around. I turned my fear into a motivation.
It was a clean slate. It actually felt like it was my first time reviewing again. All the things that I have learned were nowhere to be found. I was afraid again but it turned out it made me even more serious and dedicated with the review.
There was a time when I only slept for 4 hours everyday. I felt guilty sleeping for 8 hours. From 8am to 9pm, I was at the review center. One quote that helped me was:
Don’t stop when you’re tired, stop when you are DONE.
One thing that kept on pushing me towards my dream was the thought of failing. I didn’t want to fail. I didn’t want also to hear from people that I just wasted one year of my life if I failed. I needed this to work.
Long story short, I passed the exam. It was amazing and I really can’t believe it. All my hard work paid off. Probably the best lesson I learned from this experience is turning the negative vibes into positive ones.
I realized that when we are afraid, we are actually afraid of what others would say. We need to stop this mentality. If you are afraid, just rememeber that it is you who writes the story of your life. You are your own author. You decide what happens next.
Currently i’m unemployed and once again i’m afraid. But I now know that something good happens when you’re afraid. I just have to do my part for these things to fall into place.
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