The little girl that I was left
She was with me all along, during those years, preventing me from growing, from seeing reality. From accepting it too. She was a bit immature and afraid, not very confident, not very present either. Like a friendly ghost that used to be me.
Yesterday she left. I don’t know how it happened exactly but I knew one day it would. I feel more myself than ever because she was a past version of me, that wasn’t me anymore. But the relation between us was too strong for me to let her go.
Right now I feel very connected to the ground, as if it was the first time. But the most meaningful thing is the absence of fear. The fear to be alone, the fear not to be loved, the fear of dying. These major obstacles seem to have losen their grip on me. Everything feels more spacious and silent. I feel very connected to Earth too, and life, beyond words. I feel safe and full of potentiality. I feel that everything is possible but that all will arrive at its own pace. I feel myself, truly, for the first time. One.
She had a big laugh and a big sense of humor, to hide from her fears, to make them disappear, but also to make people laugh. Her smile used to be the biggest in the whole world. She was fragile too, she had no shelter so she took every emotion right into her heart, hers and those of others too.
She was amazing but I had to grow. Without her preventing me from evolving and changing the way I needed to. I know she is still somewhere, looking after me from afar, maybe as a shiny star in a distant universe. But she is not in charge anymore.
I love you, Little Girl. I will take care of myself now. I have healed. Be at peace. I am. And thank you.
