My quetiapine

Larissa Caramel
Sep 3, 2018 · 2 min read
“man and woman sitting at a table behind red glass window” by Joshua K. Jackson on Unsplash

I’ve been writing some dialogues and letters in my quetiapine stories here at Medium, without giving much of a context.

That’s because I’m still trying to figure out things after discover that having someone else living inside yourself is not something considered usual and that I should try quetiapine to shut him down.

Yet I cannot stop feeling that I’m somehow shutting me down. I go to sleep every night trying to understand who am I supposed to be when he’s not around.

I woke up this morning feeling that I was not alone.

“I don’t think we were ever happy.” He said, suddenly, while I was looking at the mirror, right after waking up.

“Hello to you too. Have you noticed that you never say anything good?”

Silence.

“You should do something with your hair, it’s all over the place.”

“Good, that’s how I like it.”

I went to the kitchen to take my morning pill. I looked outside and a sunny day was just about to get started. As usual, I stopped for a while, waiting to feel something, to see if I would be able to make through the day.

“I don’t know why you still even try. I know how you feel, and you feel shitty.”

“It was fine till you got back.” I was still at the same place, feeling my will leaving my body through my fingernails.

“Are you saying you were happy?”

“Why? Are you jealous?”

Silence.

I used his silence to get back to myself. I’ve learned a lot about him since I admitted he existed, and his influence over me was diminishing. But he was right, I’m not happy, I’m shitty, but now I’m learning how to be in control.

I hope.

Larissa Caramel

Written by

Bilingual occasional writer & Escritora nas horas vagas. The Quetiapine Stories, Série Insólito e mais. insta@laracaramel

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