Reflection Dialogues

Larissa Caramel
Aug 31, 2018 · 2 min read
“woman in gray top sitting on passenger seat” by Dan Bøțan on Unsplash

“I don’t want to take so many pills anymore.” I whispered, while looking at myself in a mirror, feeling disgusted with the distorted image of my own reflection.

“Well, I don’t think it will change much.” He laughed, with his usual ironic tone.

“I used to be pretty, what happened to me?” My mind was flooding with images from days that supposed to be better.

“Really? You never felt pretty! Stop lying to yourself. Skinny, chubby, dressed up or with your daily homeless style, your sense of self-worth was always out of place.”

“I dreamed of the past again.” I admitted, reluctantly.

“So what? We’re tired of knowing how fucking damaged you are. The problem is that you tried to hide it too hard, you wanted to be the girl with standard friends and lovers, guess what? You’re fucked up, my dear. We’re a mess, there’s no way to fake it.”

I felt stupid. He always had that effect on me, simply didn’t have patience with my self-loathing. He was harsh, but he helped me to persist.

“You know, in the end of the day it’s you and me. I understand your need to somehow belong to this world, but let’s face it, we’re part of the darkest side of life, we’re everything the world wants to hide, we don’t belong. We are disturbed and we disturb, that’s what we do, that’s what we are and we can’t escape it.”

“Well, you want me all to yourself, don’t you?” I’ve asked, with a silly smile.

“Bee, you are trying to kill me, aren’t you? I don’t want you, I am you, and we’re in this together. Do you want to shut me up? So take your goddamn pills.”

Larissa Caramel

Written by

Bilingual occasional writer & Escritora nas horas vagas. The Quetiapine Stories, Série Insólito e mais. insta@laracaramel

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