Thoughtful: A Captivated Soul
It isn’t easy putting this one into words. It’s a feeling of hopelessness that makes you feel small and fragile. An urge to seek but not knowing what it is your soul is seeking. It’s greater than sadness but wouldn’t be properly defined as anger: perhaps it’s the thin line that lies between sadness and disappointment or perhaps it is the intersection that combines sadness, despair, disappointment and the inner peace. It’s an urge that aches and leaves you to yearn for that which is unknown to you.
You seek to travel for traveling can at times ease your pain and provide you with an atmosphere that distracts you mind, body and soul. However, what is traveling but a temporary source of distraction? Nevertheless you take the impulse decision and in a few hours you’re sitting by the window looking down at the place you thought held you captive, you smile so genuinely that you so easily trick your mind into believing you have re-gained your sense of happiness and belonging. You reach your destination and are compelled to begin your journey before your time’s up. In no time, there you are again, sitting by the window only this time your consciousness tells you you’re soon to be held captive once again. Nevertheless you quiet down the voice and allow your peaceful mind to look forward to all that which once captivated you.
Days pass, weeks, months and in no time you’re right back where you were: the intersection.
What could it possibly be? What could possibly be the cause of your current state of mind? Perhaps it is work? No, it is the job you had wished for. Perhaps it is those who surround you? but no, it is them that get you through the day. Perhaps it is your studies? but you enjoy the knowledge. With nothing left, what could it be?
It is a certain strike that paralyzes your mind, body and soul. It isn’t the captivation that you can not bear no longer, it is the question mark leads to nowhere.
You’re genuinely positive and strive to perceive the beauty in all that which surrounds you and it is for that reason that you will continue to find happiness in all that which you do, burring that weight that drags you down against the force of nature. You will not rejoice but you will feel exhaustion. You will not complain because you believe it will lead to no good results. You will not express for you feel that there are no words with which you can express. But you will always strive to maintain that hope that you will strongly and swiftly reach a state of inner peace, that you will go against all odds and peacefully sleep, knowing you’re okay for what else can you do.