the demise of attraction

This was the title that came to mind with the concept for this particular piece, as titles are wont to do in my head… but sometimes the title and the words that are chosen in that 4 word sentence tell me more about the piece that I want to write than the half-formed concept that has invited itself into my head.

So basically, you know that really exciting time when you meet someone new and you talk to them 24/7 and its always always about really exciting stuff and you’re never bored? Then, you start to really like them. Then they start to really like you. Then you hang out more + more and eventually he asks you to be his girlfriend and bam you’re in a relationship. You’ve found youself in a “babe can we stay in tonight”, sweatpants-wearing, burping-and-not-apologizing relationship.

The process of this usually occurs over a few months, or maybe over a few weeks if you’re really into them from the get go. But from the moment that you start talking to the moment that you are in a relationship, somewhere in the middle there, is the graph of diminishing returns. At the beginning it’s super quick, super high returns, reaching little milestones before finally reaching the plateau of just being in a relationship. Being totally comfortable with one another and being in that state of dual life-living that people dream of. People kill for that sort of life autonomy where you know exactly where you’re spending your next weekend off and pretty much can give a basic timeline of how you’re going to spend it. Laying in bed, watching netflix and having the same sex that you’ve both perfected to get the both of you going before sleeping, comfortably, in eachothers arms - knowing exactly which sleeping positions work best for the both of you.

I feel like this has been an arranged relationship, and I’m getting to know my boyfriend where others may previously know the tiny things like actually, he is pretty lazy but still cares to do things for me even when he doesn’t want to. He likes pre-drinks as opposed to buying drinks at the club, and he really never finishes washing his whites because there’s just never enough of them to go in the machine. I know that people kill for that autonomy of life, for that safe knowledge that you’ll always have something there for you to back you up. And that knowledge, that particular knowledge, is great. But I most definitely do not want to get stuck in that knowledge and spend my friday nights at home, watching Hell’s Kitchen and smoking weed when there’s a whole city out there that I know nothing about and no one in. I did not come to London to get hitched with a boyfriend within two months and get comfortable.

So I need to be proactive. I need to keep moving, keep seeing things, keep experiencing, keep going. I cannot stand still and procrastinate on life until one day in 10 years I’ll realise that I never sought out that bar that you had to dial a number in a telephone box to get into, or that I never had a rainbow bagel from Brick Lane because it was always just too far of a journey. I cannot allow that to happen. I have to be ever-pursuing of the hunger of life and never tiring of the things that make life exciting.

When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life: Samuel Johnson.

I am 19 years young. I am in a new city, with a penchant for gin and quirky bars. I am not yet tired of London, and I am certainly not yet tired of life.

Show your support

Clapping shows how much you appreciated Lara Humphries’s story.