hello? still alive?

(trying to get back on that writing grinde s3 episode 18 lol)

Being done with college is a pretty crazy thing to think of. I mean I can’t say I’m fully done, I still have a summer term with minor classes but the fact that I’m done with all of my majors is a relief. It’s crazy, but I’m glad it’s over. All the possible clichés come to mind when I think of my journey of college. I can’t even believe I called it a journey, how cliché is that? To say that I’ve changed in the past few years would be an understatement. I’ve changed, grown, broken down and built myself together more times than I can count, but hey, I made it! This is officially my first time writing again that isn’t school related. It’s a familiar feeling to be typing at 8:32 pm at night, but it’s weird that when I open my google chrome there aren’t endless tabs of what I need to research on, I don’t have sticky notes reminding me of deadlines on my laptop. It’s literally just me, my headphones and my keyboard, and my feelings, but I rarely like to acknowledge the presence of that. LOL. I admit that it was hard to love college and all that it was, initially. I never saw myself in my college, taking up the course I’m about to finish. It was no secret I had a hard time adjusting, I spent most of my free time out of school, never joined extra curricular activities, I barely made friends in school and rarely found myself wanting to be in school. The resistance on my first year of college was my own doing, it’s even harder to admit now that I was in denial of the whole situation. Growing up, I thought I knew where I wanted to be, hell I even had a vision of who I wanted to be with. It’s the One Tree Hill line I’ve memorized that goes ‘when all your dreams come true, who do you want standing next to you?’, I never had a person in mind but I had the idea of that person. But things change, life throws you into a new situation and you just have to put your best foot forward and learn to love the situation you’re in. So slowly, literally, they were baby steps, I made more friends and I started becoming more active in my classes. The actual school events part took longer than I thought it would, but friends were a good first step. In high school, I was never the brightest or the most hardworking, I was always the most easy going student, but that completely changed in college. I found myself enjoying the grind of late nights, I had pride in knowing that I could ace a certain quiz or a test and for the first time in my life I was looking forward to school. High school was a nightmare, in the academic department, to say the last. But I made it through that and I felt that I made up for it in college. On my last two years of college, I’d check my grades without a worry (except when I took Spanish as a foreign language.), and I realized that I was capable of great things. Life and school became two huge building blocks that helped me turn into me. I don’t know how I survived life without a feminist perspective, that’s the biggest thing my course and the people in it have given me. The sense of ownership to my own self, as a woman and as a person. Sure I could credit that to the fact that I’m a gender minor, but it’s the conversations and situations outside of the four walls of school that have helped mold me into this self proclaimed strong independent warrior/worrier. Now that it’s all coming to an end, I know it’s time to figure out post undergrad life. Here it goes. Hello world, I’m coming for ya!!!

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