I have written before, I am what I did not intend to be. For in one breath I pray and the next I succumb to the world. With only the barest hesitation. I see it, a replay in my mind. A freeze frame, we all witness my glaring weaknesses. Whenever my story pauses so briefly I know I am close to committing a grievous wrong. When I struggle with something right, I wrestle and toss and turn I contemplate all night. I think of little else for days on end. But to do what is wrong seduces me and assaults its welcoming victim, quickly. Yes, I welcomed wrong in. It cloaks itself in fun, delight, excitement, pleasure. Not long after it settles in I see what it truly is: pain, fear, scorn, disappointment, sickness, shame, it is death. Which will prevail truth or desperate lies?
I must be harsh, I am cringing because I do not want to accept forgiveness. If I don’t I will surely end up here again. The despair sometimes burns more than the act. Shame follows me, regret surrounds me, hopelessness swallows me.
I will not give in, God has granted me one more chance. It is much harder to forgive yourself, when you alone know the spectrum of your shortcomings. I can not try I must forgive or I will begin with these words once again.
This was written by someone who has struggled with a range of addictions. Someone who knows the fight against these things happens daily. Someone who knows the fight against the intangible can be bloodier than a fist fight. Someone who know forgiveness is half the battle. So if you know someone who needs forgiveness or if you need it Tap the green heart ❤. The best thing about love and forgiveness… they are free. 💖💯✌