My experience is simply that “I do not have a testimony.” I do not believe, with every fiber of my being, that it’s all true. The more I study, think, pray fellowship and attend, the more certain become my doubts. My family were marginal members of pioneer stock Mormons. This means we were a large family, poor, uneducated but committed members. But, both parents were scared by polygamy, depression, war, and unemployment. Survival was our goal and the church accepted our status with complete non involvement. I heard testimonies of war torn European survivors with the tears and thankfulness for the church but I could not relate to their faith of just being alive. I have left the church because without a real testimony, I would be a fraud to remain. I consider myself to be an investigator, but have no friends or family that willdiscuss my reasons for doubt, feelings and faith.