“The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward” — A Review
Introduction
Among all of your regrets, which carries the greatest weight? Do you regret something you did more than something you said? Perhaps something you didn’t do or should have said? Was it decades in your past or a more recent remorse? And does it continue to cloud your mind or have you pacified it with your “no regrets” mantra? Regardless, each of us has felt regret at some point in our own life. This is one of our many commonalities as human beings. But two main aspects distinguish us from one another; The kind of regret we carry and how we feel about the power of regret itself. Contrary to increasingly popular belief, regret is something that exists and can be used to positively enhance our own trajectory. It is up to us to do with it what we wish.
I read New York Times bestselling author Daniel H. Pink’s new book, “The Power of Regret — How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward”. I hope you enjoy my review of it here. Be sure to check out the CAWPILE rating at the bottom of this post, and comment below any opinions, feedback, thoughts, ideas, questions, etc.
l.a. socol
Overview
This book sheds light on an unpopular opinion surrounding regret. Pink paints the concept and existence of regret in a more positive light, revealing the true power that it possesses in propelling us forward in life, rather than supporting the idea that it sets us back. Right from the beginning, he demolishes this mainstream belief and reminds us of how regret itself is something which makes us human and makes us better. Regrets are effectively categorized into four different types; Foundation regrets, Boldness regrets, Moral regrets, and Connection regrets (Pink, 2022). Each of these has it’s own dedicated chapter where Pink expands on all that they are comprised of. In the final third of the book, Pink aims to guide us through re-processing how we interpret, experience, and deal with our own regrets. He emphasizes the value in optimizing regret, rather than engaging in the “norm” of minimizing it. There are several frameworks and brief guides on how to successfully approach this.
The Five Quotes
- “Regret is a retrospective emotion. It springs into being when we look backward. But we can also use it prospectively and proactively — to gaze into the future, predict what we will regret, and then reorient our behavior based on our forecast. Sometimes that approach points us in a promising direction. Other times it can lead us astray. But if we understand the upside and downside of anticipating regret, we can hone our strategy for pursuing the good life.” -Daniel H. Pink
- “Regret is not dangerous or abnormal, a deviation from the steady path to happiness. It is healthy and universal, an integral part of being human. Regret is also valuable. It clarifies. It instructs. Done right, it needn’t drag us down; it can lift us up.” -Daniel H. Pink
- “What the anti-regret brigades are proposing is not a blueprint for a life well-lived.” -Daniel H. Pink
- “When feeling is for thinking, and thinking is for doing, regret is for making us better.” -Daniel H. Pink
- “A look at the research shows that regret, handled correctly, offers three broad benefits. It can sharpen our decision-making skills. It can elevate our performance of tasks. And it can strengthen our sense of meaning and connectedness.” -Daniel H. Pink
Strengths
There are a handful of specific aspects of this book that really stand out to me. First, I love that Pink has confidently chosen to explore a belief that is not held by many. We have seen that the phrase “no regrets” has become somewhat of a motto that people not only express and strive to live by, but also even go as far as permanently engraving on their skin. All that being said, he is writing confidently against something that isn’t typically even considered controversial. In doing so, not only does he promote critical thinking in his readers, but he also educates people of various opinions regarding the topic. The book is informative and educational, despite being filled with a variety of quotes and anecdotes relating to regret. In addition, the breakdown of different types of regrets and the information about studies relating to regrets are fascinating, whether you are convinced in the end or not. All together, even if you still believe it is better to maintain that “no regrets” mentality, you will have gained a thorough counter perspective by the end of the book.
Weaknesses
When I first came across the title of the book, I was intrigued because it is not at all a commonly discussed belief. In fact, in some regards it is perhaps the opposite message of a cliche. For someone to write a book where they take a stance in opposition of a cliche is, in and of itself, rather bold and admirable. However, I assumed that the book would go in a bit of a different direction. I thought that there would be a greater emphasis about the value that “regretful” moments or experiences have on us in the sense of prompting us towards introspection, and thus, personal growth. In other words, my understanding of “how looking backward moves us forward” pertained more to how when we look back and regret something we can reflect on it, which ultimately serves to aid in our own improvement and development. I believe that many people who hold the belief and maintain the mentality of living without regrets would benefit greatly from that arguably necessary introspection. This is especially the case for those who move through life repeating the same mistakes or making similar mistakes and not quite learning a lesson from that all too familiar experience.
CAWPILE Rating
I will now provide a CAWPILE rating. If you are not familiar with this rating system, be sure to check out my piece on it! With that, let’s begin!
C- Credibility/Research: This book definitely felt trustworthy and included reliable research. There are about 15 pages of notes in the back where Pink cites sources. The material does not feel bias and the analyses of gathered research adds to the credibility. Score: 9/10
A- Authenticity/Uniqueness: Pink very clearly has created an authentic and unique book here. As discussed above, taking a stance against a commonly held belief is incredibly unique and points towards authenticity. This book stands out for this reason. Score: 9/10
W- Writing: I enjoyed the way Pink chose to present this topic. I was really drawn to the quotes at the start of each new chapter. They felt genuine and intentionally placed. The mix of anecdotes and data was also effective and enjoyable. Likewise, I did not find the writing to be dry. However, I do wish that the message about reflection had been explored further. Score: 8/10
P- Personal Impact: I am undeniably taking away messages and wisdom from this text. It has given me a lot to think about and reflect on; Not only relating to the presence of regret, but also how I think about things in general. I feel the lens that Pink views regret through can be appropriately applied to many other seemingly negative emotions or human experiences. Score: 9/10
I- Intrigue: I found myself constantly reaching for this book and it very effortlessly held my attention. I read it in about four sittings, over the span of maybe three days. I was eager to continue turning pages. In short, the intrigue was there. This is attributed not only to the unique premise itself, but also the writing and design by Pink. Score: 9/10
L- Logic/Informativeness: The book made logical sense. There was nothing that appeared bias or really doubtful. The anecdotes are of course to be taken for what they are, but again, not necessarily bias. Essentially, the source material, both anecdotal and statistical was presented in an informative and logical manner. There is a great deal of knowledge to be gained from this book. Score: 9/10
E- Enjoyment: Overall, this was one of the better books that I have read this year. I enjoyed the smaller details of the book such as the quotes that preface each chapter, as well as the larger aspects such as the message being conveyed and the thoroughly informing research. I think that this is a book for all kinds of people. We all have regrets, and we all have the chance to use our regrets in a way that better serves us in living the life that we desire for ourselves. Score: 9/10
l.a. socol
