Rear…oops, Year end reflections on selfishness & cake

A close relative group-texted a copy/pasted FB post about “an honest reflection” for the new year. (Note: It is likely that sentence will become the subject of a future essay.)

The overall sentiment being that one should reflect upon 2015 identifying those people who have made you happy and those who have made you sad. Keep the former, chuck the latter.

Step one is to create a sort of “nice list” vs “naughty list”. Okay, well as it is, we all do this in our own subconscious (or blatantly obvious) way so this is not exactly groundbreaking advice. The majority of people in my life are on both lists, making the next element of this missive REALLY upsetting.

The short version being: once you’ve sorted people the way one might sort laundry (towels and sheets here, jeans in that basket) you should now go about the business of eliminating the naughty people from your life, “No explanation needed”.

Wait. Person(s) “A through Z” carries enough weight in my life to make me feel “sad” on a regular basis. The remedy for this overwhelming pain is to cut them out like a bit of over-ripe banana. End.

The author of the post states that the person(s) who makes you feel sad (disappointed, angry, or otherwise upset) is behaving selfishly.

A post-it note breakup (vintage SITC) was less selfish. At least there was a note!

When someone group texts a retweet of a social media post that is the digital equivalent of Hallmark card philosophy, suddenly everyone in his/her life starts thinking, “hey. I guess i better step up my game with BillieJo. If i don’t hear from her in the next 24 to 72 hours I’ll have to spend a lot of time trying to reflect on the error of my ways even if i don’t know which one was the error”. Or they will begin treating BJ like a deity, leaving chocolate cake, Olive Garden gift cards and car wash coupons at her front door.

Maybe the reader will think, “hey, you know that text from BJ was REALLY upsetting and kind of selfish. She also never returned that platter from the Labor Day barbecue. I think i should distance myself from her”. (Click. Unfriend.)

This advice reads like step-by-step instructions for lonely, superficial relationships. No assembly or growth required. The message received is that you dont really want healthy, mature relationships with friends/family. It sounds like you want total control and/or hired help.

You see, when you have control over a person’s survival (food, clothing, shelter, security/sense of belonging) they will pretty much bring you happiness, joy, laughter whenever and wherever you want it. They will bring you Happiness and chocolate cake. They will bring you cake. Also, They might be wearing a funny hat and pointed shoes with bells.

Friends, family, even total strangers make us laugh and cry and pound our fists every day. Sharing our lives means that we will experience comfort and pain. Honesty and compassion are tools we use to grow from it. These are gifts which help us to experience the duality of existence.

Of course if a particular person greets me 9 times out of 10 with a sucker punch, it is a gift i do not want or need and will most definitely return.

Another irony here is that the person who sent the text is the reigning world champion record holder for use of the saying, “Everything happens for a reason”. Apparently true as long as “everything” doesn’t happen to her.

No matter how often i say aloud or to myself, “its just another day” or “it’s a calendar not a prescription”, i will engage in year-end reflection. For the most part, i like what i see (except for the cellulite). I will learn that because and sometimes in spite of these “selfish” people who do things to disappoint me or cause me to feel sad or angry, i will continue to grow. There may be moments when i need to step away but I will embrace the fact that happiness (like all feelings) is not static. That suffering is part of life. And i will come to accept that grey is the new black and white.

Somebody bring me cake!