How successful people ask for advice — 7 ideas
1. Start with a positive tone
The way you initiate the conversation is everything. Instead of starting with, “Can I pick your brain,” shift the language to a more positive tone.
When in doubt, I recommend: “I’d love your advice.” No-frills, friendly and simple.
2. Identify the type of advice you’re seeking
Immediately after your opening line, address the topic of your problem in the form of a question.
In order to craft a question with great precision, ask yourself: What type of advice am I seeking? What does my problem involve? What are my desired outcomes?
Type of advice: Discrete
What it involves: Exploring options for a single decision
Desired outcomes: Recommendations in favor of or against specific options
Example question: “Where should we build the new factory — in China, Brazil or Eastern Europe?”
Type of advice: Counsel
What it involves: Providing guidance on how to approach a complex or unfamiliar situation
Desired outcomes: A framework or process for navigating the situation
Example question: “How should I handle my domineering supervisor?”
Type of advice: Coaching
What it involves: Enhancing skills, self-awareness and self-management
Desired outcomes: Task proficiency; personal and professional development
Example question: “How can I work more collaboratively with my peers?”
Type of advice: Mentoring
What it involves: Providing opportunities, guidance and protection to aid career success
Desire outcomes: A relationship dedicated to building and sustaining professional and personal effectiveness and to career advancement
Example question: “How can I get more exposure for my project?”
3. Come prepared with specific details
Don’t come into the conversation empty-handed.
Put realistic guardrails on the conversation and include any essential background information that your advisor might not be familiar with. Providing specific details also keeps the conversation pleasant and interesting.
4. Ask the right person
Think creatively about the expertise you need. Who will bring in the most valuable insight? Who has the most knowledge that’s relevant to your problem?
For example, if you’re asking a seasoned CEO for advice involving your personal life, don’t expect to have lunch with Yoda. Your advisor is offering up valuable time to listen and provide professional feedback, not to hear you vent for an hour.
5. Don’t ask everyone
Things can backfire quickly if you run around asking a bunch of people for advice. Clearly, you won’t be able to follow everyone’s advice.
“Research shows that those whose advice you don’t take may have a worse view of you afterward. They may even see you as less competent or avoid you.”
6. Don’t assume you already know the answers
People end up asking for advice simply to gain validation or praise. Those who have a tendency to do this often believe they’ve already solved the problem, but just want confirmation or recognition from their bosses or peers.
This is obviously not a good look
7. Be grateful
Thank your advisor for their time at the conclusion of your meeting. It doesn’t hurt to thank them again the next day via email. Follow up later to let them know how their feedback helped you. If they sent you an article or book, let them know how you benefited from it.
Showing that you’re humble and appreciative will go a long way in maintaining good relationships with those in your professional network.
