This is how I entered the Maze
As I started questioning,,, As I started confrontation ,,, As I chose to be the black sheep ,,, As I became the revolutionist!
As I started Questioning
As I was a five years old kid, raised in a family teaching me that God loves, and we simply have to be good. Once I started to go to that kinder garden, our teacher used to be the god of the class.
I was terrified when she used to say:
“you will go to hell if you lie,” “you will be tortured in hell if you steal, do you know what hell is?”
She started describing it like f***g hell. I used to wee-wee myself every time she started the rant. One day, I had enough of that, I stood up and said:
“NO, that is not true, and you are a liar, why God would do all of this to us? Does he hate us that much? He doesn’t …you are THE LIAR”.
Her reaction was beating me, calling my parents, and complaining about my misbehavior. I refused to go to school for that preparation year, and I was forced by my parents to enter the 1st grade one year later.
This accident meant a lot to me -the five years old kid- it was like a flip over of all my understanding of social beliefs. I started to ask myself, why should I believe others who tell me what I am supposed to do? Why should I accept their rights as rights and their wrongs as wrongs?
Each one of us was born in a specific social bubble, came to already accumulated knowledge, culture, traditions and beliefs. Grew up being told what is right and what is wrong. Then a critical moment pops in as an alarm saying that something is wrong in your life. Doubting and lost you are looking for answers.
I believe this alarming moment varies from person to person, depends on timing, curiosity and how good in reading signs you are.
Can we get rid of all inductive information the society gave us when we were born, and the affection of our parents? After all, we were raised by them and it became the first and main reach out tool of our brains?
Therefore, my grandmother says: “they are the preservation of the heritage of our ancestors and our national identity.”
Is it just us longing to possess the ability and willingness to take decisions that give us the euphoric feeling that we control our world? Why do we seek sovereignty?
…………………………………………….This is how I entered the Maze!
As I started Confrontation
Is what I do is really what I want to become? Is it what I genuinely aspire to become?
I am writing about this after I’ve got inspired by a conversation with a friend of mine, who suddenly said:
“Laura, why do I feel bad when I do something against what we learned, but my action is something that I truly want?” I answered him: “Are you sure that you know what you want?”
Looking for your true self is a long disobedience trip in this universe where everything is in its order, and you are there to create your own chaos. As I started to confirm my state, confront myself, I realized that search journey is not supposed to be outside it has to be inside.
……………………………………………..This is how I entered the Maze!
As I chose to be the Black Sheep
Black sheep never chose to be different from the cattle, but I am choosing to be the black sheep. I accept to be bullied if this is the cost of being different.
Why do we feel this guilt of doing actions that contradict with our social norms?
Well, since we humans are social by nature, it is the fear of social exile that develops the feeling of guilt inside us.
This battle between our desires to rise own values and the ones that we already received from our society, facing our society with our own values that might not agree with the collective ones needs a hell load of courage and full preparation for the consequences.
Once we confront ourselves, next step is to preach what we believe. Translating beliefs into actions is associated with consequences of others acceptance or rejection. Acceptance is beautiful, but rejection is the torch of all revolutions at all times.
………………………………………….This is how I entered the Maze!
As I became the revolutionist
Have you ever thought of yourself being nude in a new social bubble and had to decide how to behave, and what personality to show apart from others’ expectations? At full blast, good deeds and bad deeds represent no one but you. You might surprise yourself and discover new you.
I thought of it and tried to do it. Flashing back on my trip to India where I have been totally away from my cultural background and social norms — you know when you are in a new country you try to follow their social tradition out of respect- but still, somehow you are away from that watchdog back in your country. I have been in situations where I had to decide whether to choose the sound of my true self and the sound of the background calling. Surprisingly, sometimes I took ad hoc decisions and went with the flow and in some others, it took me a long time of deep thinking.
Once you try that joyful feeling of being fully convinced of what you do, you start to want more because simply freedom is something that you never have enough of. Our thirst for freedom is what leads us to strive for it.
As they say, revolutions are the wheels of change.
My rebel wheel started to move when I began to do things that I liked and never thought that I had to fight for. My revolution started when I started to ask for the same rights as my brother or my male colleagues; my revolution started when I was judged by what I wear, what I do, what I believe… My revolution started when I started to think that I have rights I have to fight for.
…………………………………….…..This is how I got out of the Maze!