Part of me feels the last ten years has been a quest for other people to make me look shitty for being smart.
That is what America has become.
A nation of fools where intelligence in women is rewarded with put downs and degradation.
Where you can not be flawed or imperfect without a knife being jabbed in like a shard of broken glass into sand.
While people hate on me for stupid things they want to believe I did to justify their hate.
I lie in bed now with a soar throat knowing sooner or later my thyroid will stop working.
I wonder how long I will live after that happens.
I wonder if it will be painful.
I wonder if the people who did not want to see me make it
because they felt I was not good enough not being born in LA
or being a coke head
or pot user
will recognize they murdered me
or just brush it off
as another crazy woman
who thought she could be something
but was really nothing but atoms and particles.
I stay in LA
because I know one day
all Ill be is ash.
But that ash is still me
and I am human and therefore a little lazy.
I do not want to travel far to find my way home.
So I wait for my thyroid to stop
I wait for the moment no one can make me leave my home.
I wait for peace.