About how I became a feminist.
Two important events occurred:
- Two baby girls were born, who challenged my views on equality and motivated me to think about how I could build a better world for them.
- I moved to a foreign country where I experienced both culture shock and a perceived loss of agency.
This article contains experiences from my life that deal with gender inequality within our society, as well as racial biases. Even though our own sense of self-worth is ultimately up to us to define, established systems within our society need to recognize that certain inequalities exist, and make efforts to change them. Want to know how? Then read on…
I was born in a traditional town in Colombia called Popayán. It is full of churches, and… really conservative (if you know what I mean).There, my mom worked really hard to give me a good life, school, food, friends, English lessons and a crazy sister who is always up for adventure.
Later I moved to Cali, (aka the “big city”) for my bachelor studies. The conservative attitude was dialed down a bit, but the rampant sexism remained. Yes, I had the privilege to take a bachelor in a private university where no one ever looked at me differently because of the caramel shade of my skin.
Telenovelas, books, and society taught me that I would meet the love of my life and that he would take care of me and provide for our family, and that’s why I should do everything in my power to keep him. They also said that I should look pretty to be heard, and submissive to be accepted, that I would feel guilty for enjoying (and dancing to) pop music, which often reinforced these old-fashioned stereotypes, even if I loved parties in Colombia, with their dances and spirit.
In 2016 my partner and I decided to move to Germany and I was full of happiness for pursuing my dream. I don’t know why but I always thought about myself living in another country. The same year, my sister told me she was pregnant and a big feeling of sadness appeared. The fact that I would miss my niece’s childhood was too much for me and I knew from that moment on that I would do everything for Antonia.
My first months in Germany were all about the cultural shock that I had heard might happen, in my international business class. But there were also unexpected things, I had not considered. Suddenly I had lost all my middle-class Colombian privileges by coming to a place where I am just another “sudaca”, where people have hundreds of biased preconceptions simply based on the way I look. Don’t even get me started on the comments I got when I would tell people where I was from, or when my Latin accent was (is) present in my English speaking. At some point, I lost all confidence and avoided speaking with anyone, in any language.
Coming to Germany was my decision, and I have the power to change some of those situations, by learning german for example, I also gained a lot of different privileges just by being here, but the experiences I had are not unique to me, and many people deal with these situations on a daily basis, simply because of where they were born, the way they look, or because they don’t fit into a standard set by society
Months later, some good Colombian friends living in Munich, told me they were expecting a baby, Emilia a Colombian baby girl who would be born in Germany. I was so happy, but so many other thoughts rushed to my mind, the wish to share everything I was learning with her and the hope of a better experience for her.
More time passed, and I now feel much more at peace about coming to Germany. I’m grateful for the privilege to feel safe and to be able to complain about “first world problems” while working at an international company that promotes diversity and inclusion, where I feel accepted. I’m very much aware that I used to live in something of a bubble in Colombia, ignoring the experiences of other underrepresented people, and their struggles.
Sometimes I can’t believe I never saw the injustices in my own country. It took me traveling halfway around the world to realize that people die every day, fighting for their beliefs and that the rape and abuse statistics worldwide are terrifying. I have also learned that I don’t need to fit into society’s idea of a submissive, pretty woman to be accepted, or taken seriously. I can make my own money doing something that I love, and that the best things happen when I don’t try to be someone that I’m not. That includes finding a partner who wholeheartedly supports these same ideals, and respects me as an equal. Most importantly, I learned that as a Latina woman, I am the product of a delicious mix of cultures. I should feel free and proud, embracing my roots as I dance to salsa and reggaeton.
Now I get to see my beloved Antonia at least once a year and am proud of little baby Emilia, and the person she is becoming. I’m doing my best to keep the spirit alive, even though every time I travel out of the country, the non-german speaking Latina-looking female, is carefully registered in the security control while my german-speaking husband (who presents as white) waits for me on the other side of the door. He always waits for me. He has lovingly supported and listened to me, through every step of this journey. It’s something I am thankful for, every day.
