I experienced so much of what you are feeling. You are not alone! And you are not a traumatised brat — I can’t believe the poster below wrote that. I dealt with almost everything you wrote about, especially in the first 4 to 6 months. Believe it or not, I went on to breastfeed my son for over 4 years (which some people find appalling — more evidence of the contradictions we mothers are fed). It did become a lot easier, but there were still times I hated it. It felt like a chain. Whatever you decide, is what’s right for you. You obviously love your child enough to write this and to struggle these emotions on their behalf. That is what matters.