post-college melancholy

Wheat field by the plantations in Ithaca, NY. Somewhat unrelated picture of something I really miss (nature).

Today, I realized the issue is simple.

Plans floating in a disorderedly fashion. Dates, dates, dates. Deadlines, plans, more deadlines.

One checklist after another. One phone call. Two phone calls. Looks like you can’t go on that flight anymore. Okay. Please hold, okay.

Is this what life after college feels like?

We’re all running to some place; We just don’t know where.

And because I love flashbacks, a mentor of five years sat across from me at breakfast under the 9:15am sunshine. Haven’t seen each other in four years. He leaned forward and pressed his elbows on the dining table, one eyebrow raised at an inquiring angle.

“A little bird told me, that someone just graduated from college — a well-deserved, celebrated achievement — and don’t know what to do now.”

A little bird is damn right. Partially.

I know what I’m supposed to do. I’m also scared shitless about leaving home again, to a new city on the North American continent.

A fear akin to the three dreadful hours leading up to an on-stage performance for rows and rows of potentially apathetic, scowling strangers. A horrible decision from the very beginning. What the hell were you thinking?

So I keep myself busy, typing away on this rather public platform. Kinda lost, kinda scared, kinda feeling everything.