Can we believe negative experiences of women?

This is a response from an anonymous friend:

It took me about 6 years of regularly sending my husband (my HUSBAND!!) information about discrimination against women-in-tech, and telling him about the negative experiences I had (some were real idiots), for him to believe me that such discrimination existed. Prior to that, he was convinced that it was all in my head and/or I was playing victim.

His rationale was that he experienced regular put-downs as well, and that this was just part of tech culture. My claim that I experienced more negative experiences because I was female seemed to belittle his experience. Which caused him to fight back. Hard. Even though he was definitely pro women in tech and would gladly say so.

But my husband’s attitude has definitely changed. A big step was when I shared research showing that women are equally likely to be biased against other women. I wasn’t just blaming men.

Now he calls out sexist behaviour in his male work colleagues when he sees it (and rants to me about how outrageous it is), which is a HUGE difference from the awkward acknowledgement of my protestations in the past. Me? Proud of him? You bet!

It may sound crazy, but all of us have relationships to men in tech somewhere. We might not win our point by announcing on group lists (especially if that risks being tagged as a raging feminist in addition to being female — gasp , but convincing those closest to us could have dramatic effects in the long term.