If I had died 5 years ago…

I would have been — the age my dad was when he died.

I’ve been thinking about the things I would have missed:

I wouldn’t have gotten married a second time.

I wouldn’t have moved back to Kansas.

I wouldn’t have choreographed Unintended Consequences

inspired by the Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot.

I wouldn’t have been able to support my mom in the last years of her life.

I wouldn’t have had to see the dance program that launched me into the world implode through bad management.

I wouldn’t have found this sweet cat.

We wouldn’t have gotten this house in the country or had hundreds of fresh pears from our tree and wonderful homegrown lettuce, tomatoes, onions, okra, spinach, cucumbers, green beans, swiss chard (for my mom), collard greens, and arugula for the last three summers.

I wouldn’t have seen my cousin’s son graduate from college or met my other cousin’s daughter’s youngest son.

I wouldn’t have torn my ACL and had to have the first surgery of my life.

I wouldn’t have been able to attend Movement Fundamentals Coalescence or work with the beautiful Jane Hawley.

I wouldn’t have had the time to reconnect with my mentor Roni Mahler and renew our friendship through our shared love of dance.

I wouldn’t have met the talented Bryce Craig and the inspiring Amit Chakrabarti or worked with them to develop The Crystal Ballet.

Making this ballet was an amazing creative process that involved 30 dancers over three semesters, an original electro-acoustical score performed live by Bryce, and inspired by the process of crystal molecules turning to glass. It was one of the most gratifying collaborations I’ve had the privilege to be a part of and it was my first neoclassical ballet!

I’m glad to have live these experiences. While not all my adventures the past five years have been enjoyable, I’ve continued to learn and grow. For now, that is enough.