No, I’m Not ‘Celebrating’

I am in remission from lymphoma, have been going in for quarterly, then twice a year check ups. The type of lymphoma I have is not considered curable, so it is pretty much accepted by all that at some point it will return. It is just a matter of time, statistically speaking.

Statistically, recurrence is 18 months. Today I am 42 months. And counting. After each check up friends assume that the all clear means a celebration. Not so, for me. For me, it is just another stop on the roller coaster of wondering, is it this time? Is today going to be the day my life gets turned topsy-turvey? Am I going to have to put my life on hold, again, delay my goals, cancel my plans? Maybe, worst case scenario, not manage to get through the next round of treatment?

So no, I’m not celebrating. I am just going to get back onto that emotional roller coaster for another ride…

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