I Am a White, Racist, Privileged, Nationalist Woman Without Rights…And Other Things I Learned This Week

Yesterday I was asked, by my pastor, if I was okay after I got up and walked out in the middle of the “Women’s Day” Sunday service.

No. No, I am not okay!

Its been a doozy of a week. This week, through the occurrences in my community and nation, I have learned that I am a white, racist, privileged, nationalist woman without the same rights as men. Hmmm! Its funny because before this week, I thought I was just a hardworking mom of four who loves her family, freedom, and the promise of America.

Three pretty big things happened this week which have led me to this enlightened new identity including a highly promoted and publicized community showing of a movie on “diversity,” the inauguration of President Trump, and an international March For Women.

My husband and I live in a wonderful community where the schools are some of the best in the nation. We moved here to get married and be close to my parents. It was a long way, both geographically and lifestyle-wise, from the small town, tiny two-bedroom home, and self sufficient land my husband grew up on in rural Missouri. He is the youngest of 18 children. As you can imagine life was not easy. He tells our four children stories from his childhood of visiting the outhouse in the winter in the middle of the night and drinking only goat’s milk when times were tough. He shares the pride of making it through extremely difficult times without ever accepting government help. No privilege here. My husband is one of the hardest workers I know. He is a wonderful father with old school teachings and discipline. I am honored to be his wife.

Over the past few years we have felt a bit out of place in our western NY town, a suburb of a larger city. For a couple weeks we have both felt very uncomfortable with our school district’s non-stop promotion of the community showing of “I’m Not Racist…Am I?” I decided it would be a good idea for me to attend to see what it was all about.

As the lights went down in a packed auditorium, I sat in disbelief at the message of the movie. My friend, who happens to be a black woman, sat next to me. I am sure that our eye-rolls and sighs were noticed by those around us. The primary message of the movie was, the white race plus power equals racism and, because of the construct of our society, ALL white people are racist and privileged. It continued to teach us that only white people can be racist and there is no such thing as anyone else being racist.

The movie followed the journey of young teens in NYC who met together for a year to discuss race. My friend and I (and hopefully some other sane people…who are somehow scared into silence) viewed it as complete indoctrination and borderline abuse of these teens as they were manipulated into believing this agenda. By the end of the movie they were broken down to believe the new definitions which led the white children to accept they were all racist and to feel guilt. By the end the only white girl in the movie was brought to tears with her feelings of guilt.

At one point, the movie was paused and we were asked to discuss this new definition of racism with those seated round us…This is now THE TRUTH according to the “intellectuals.”

I felt as though I was in an episode of The Twilight Zone as the people around nodded in agreement and questioned their own truth for the newly minted definition. At the end of the movie we were divided into 5 separate groups with trained (whatever that means) facilitators to discuss the message. Before we were allowed to speak, we were read many rules to abide by before we could share our thoughts. No one thought oddly of this…. which I found disturbing.

People began raising their hand to share in one word how the movie made them feel. Words like: empathetic, guilt, and privilege. I raised my hand and shared two words…..”crazy psychobabble.”

At first, I was slightly reprimanded for using two words and then condescendingly told that I was brave for sharing those words. Later on in the discussion, I was accusatorially asked by another member of the audience what I meant by those words. I unabashedly shared my thoughts on how the movie was absurd. I told him, and the audience, that I was disgusted with the fact that I wasted two hours being force fed “new truths” including “all white people are racist” and “only white people can be racist.”

I questioned why people seem to feel that we need to label, analyze and ‘deconstruct’ (that seems to be a new catch phrase) each other’s feelings. Whatever happened to living by the golden rule and treating each other as you want to be treated? What ever happened to living by the words of Martin Luther King, Jr, “Do not judge the man by the color of his skin, but by the content of his character?” What ever happened to “live and let live?”

I shared that we need to unify and stop dividing by labeling everyone and everything. I guess my words were somehow controversial…the man who sat next to me videoed me as I spoke and the facilitator, and another woman in the audience, approached me afterwards and invited me to come to their diversity meetings to broaden my thoughts. No thank you.

The group that is pushing this agenda has regular meetings with our school district’s superintendent and regular community meetings which are highly publicized by our district and our town. Their goal is to spread this movie, and the message of the movie, to all the children in our district and beyond. The group is obviously well funded and organized. I am curious to know who is behind it all.

As the week continued, I assumed things would stay at a heightened level of controversy due to President Trump’s inauguration. I have not been a supporter of Trump but I am definitely not, nor was EVER, “With Her!” I am willing to give him a chance and call him out when he oversteps his authority.

I believe in America, our Constitution, and the thought that our best days are ahead of us. I am relieved to have a President who actually believes those things as well.

I was excited to be able to be home all day to watch the day’s events. I love politics, so I assume, on a day like this, I felt the way others feel when they watch awards shows and the excitement of the walks down the red carpet. I was most excited to hear Trump’s inauguration speech.

I felt optimistic listening to his message of unity and putting America first. I was inspired to hear God’s name numerous times. I was thrilled that he could say the words “Radical Islamic Terrorists.”

According to the media, the fact that I liked all of this makes me “dark and scary!” I am continually perplexed by the media’s coverage of demonizing every breath he takes and every word he speaks. Yes, I would absolutely agree that he is a very flawed person. Aren’t we all? He uses terrible language, that I cannot condone, but growing up with three older brothers, I can honestly admit it is nothing that I haven’t heard before. He is narcissistic and juvenile, yes, but I will continue to hope for the best. The alternative choice was a criminal (or at the very least an incredible liar) and an ally and enabler of our enemies whose goals are inspired by Marxist principles which are in direct contrast to our Constitution and way of life. I’ll take Trump.

It is said that bad things happen in threes.

Well, day three brought us The Women’s March. Yes, I say this is a bad thing… Don’t get me wrong, I am not against women…. I think women are beyond incredible! I am one, through and through. As a woman in America, I have been able to have an incredible life. I married a wonderful man I chose to marry. I was given, by God, the gift of 4 beautiful children, and I run my own business, in which I can set my own hours, so I can spend the maximum time raising my children. I do not want the government interfering with any aspect of my life (as long as I am not bringing harm to others).

I am curious what rights these women were marching for? Don’t we have all the rights men do? If it is for the false notion that there is wage inequality, I urge them to look at the ACTUAL numbers of wages in this county that take into account lifestyle choices. I would like you to know that I am able to make more money in my chosen field per hour than most men I know. If it is the right to have the government pay for their birth control and abortions I would have to remind them that more government leads to more control over their lives. Is that what they want?

I would conclude that most women who were participating in the marches around the world were whole-heartily protesting Trump’s presidency (which he WON through the constructs of our Republic…. No, we are not a Democracy) and protesting his lewd, “misogynistic” behavior. It is strangely ironic that they marched against his behavior while wearing a p%$$y hats and vagina costumes all the while listening to celebrities spew hate and lewdness themselves. This is love and righteousness for which they claim to stand for? I’m confused.

After this week, I am wondering if common sense has taken a vacation. I feel sick over the state of our nation and our community. I feel as though insanity is bombarding me from every direction.

I am tired of truths being changed and redefined. I am tired of being labeled. I am tired of others speaking to me as if their truth is THE truth that I need to believe. I am tired of trying to re-program my children after their days at school. I am tired of trying to explain to my children why women are being celebrated while wearing P#$%Y hats, writing their messages of love on maxi pads, and talking about blowing up the White House. I am tired of, for the last eight years, being led to pray for Obama at church but yesterday being led to pray for the women’s march — not for Trump on the week of his inauguration.

Yesterday, as I walked out of the sanctuary mid-service, I was “guided” to the fellowship hall to wait for my children to be finished with Sunday School. I’m not sure if my guide was the hot coffee or God.

I was met by the only person in there, a parishioner whom I do not know well. He sat with me and engaged me in a much needed and enlightening conversation. He helped me and reminded me that I am not alone and that God wants me to use my “little” voice to speak and stand up for truth. His words were so needed and welcomed. I will confidently continue to speak out for REAL truth and try to find optimism in this crazy world. I hope you will do the same.

By the way, I’m pretty darn sure it was God, not the coffee.

My voice has been restored.