Tired beyond belief

And still going

My drive into Traverse City today — Laura Kinker

This seems to be my life, why I can’t seem to get to sleep before 1 or 2 am most nights. Yes, I’m admittedly a night person and even though I’m tired beyond belief right now, I keep on going.

It doesn’t help that I seem to stack a lot right before bed. I have a bunch of nightly practices (like journaling, meditating and praying) that all happen right before bed. And I read every night. I feel incomplete without it. Also here I am writing my daily medium post at 11:59 pm again. Every night.

Sometimes I contemplate switching this routine up, making it easier on me, but even though I’m tired, this is when my mind seems most awake. Like it’s beckoning me to come play. Let’s write and create and have fun once the rational brain is totally worn out from the day.

When I was in college, I made a point not to write anything creatively until after midnight. Other times simply didn’t work. I even used to frequent a coffee shop (rabbles in metro Detroit) where I wouldn’t show up until 2 am (or later) to write.

Thankfully rabbles was run by three young 20-somethings who would keep the place open as long as people wanted to hang out. They didn’t open until 6 pm and often stayed open on weekends until 4 or 5 am.

I loved it. This was my kind of place. Too bad I haven’t found anything like it since. Where do all the night owls go besides the after hour bars (which I’m so not into)?

Writing this is making me wonder if I should switch my routine up a bit more. Make it ok to be up until 2 am (or later) working on whatever and still sleep my full much needed eight hours. I already know I’m much more creative after midnight. (It’s 12:09 am now.)

You wouldn’t believe the amount of guilt and bit of shame I feel when people know I sleep in until 9 or 10 am. I always feel like I need to justify myself by explaining my late night hours. I don’t have kids who need me first thing in the morning and I don’t usually accept coaching calls before noon (at least I got that right) but why can’t I simply accept my natural rhythm and let myself be ok with it? Why fight myself on this?

I really had no idea where this post was going to go but it’s really opened my eyes to embracing my truth, my rhythm, and figuring out a schedule and life that works for me without all the shame and guilt. We all make choices in our lives that dictate what we can and cannot do. I can do this. If I’m brave enough to go for it.