In today’s world it has become almost standard to expect that you are never getting the whole story, the whole truth, the whole of anything or anyone. Media edits stories and photos to gain the attention of those watching. As a user of social media I will not even begin to touch how one’s profile is never equal to the whole story of who they are. Lovers, family, friends. Do we ever get more than pieces?
It has become my truth that I am very good about using my own life experiences to help others. The process I have aligned myself with is that if I can just catch someone before they go over the edge, before they leap than what I have faced will not be in vain. In my 31 years I have managed to fall in love more than once. There were moments where it may have been driven more by a lacking within myself than the character of the person I loved. Lately, after my divorce I found myself hoping to find love again but after analyzing the multiple rejections I have faced in the last 6 months (and in different aspects of my life) I realized I am not ready to love anyone yet. Not with the whole of myself anyway.
Where did I go wrong?
Well that is a very loaded question. Where do any of us go wrong? We enter into all kinds of relationships, many of us with the hope that our affections will be reciprocated. However knowing God and what His affections are for us we would be insane to believe a man (or woman) could love us in such an unconditional way. I find that because as humans we long for eternity we have the tendency to try to fill it with things that could never reach such depths. For some it is with drinking a little extra to sleep and forget life. For others it looks like adventure, they spend their time running from all the things they cannot confront. In women, (so easily deemed promiscuous) what appears as lust can be just as easily a need for love gone unmet.
I have been called many ugly names in life and yet there is something so much deeper to the scattered pieces that people see. I am not defined by my failures and challenges but I am shaped by them. Each heartbreak takes something with it but my faith is that something even greater is left behind. That I only grow in hope that God designed someone just for me (and for you too). Hope has a really funny way of pushing us to fight another day when all looks lost. It gives life to those who think there is nothing left for them. I know many times just my hope in God got me through some of the darkest times of my life. Times when I felt broken, unloved, used, rejected. Hope told me that there was still more for me.
As my journey continues through this thing we call life I know have been knocked down more times than I can count but I look to the hills, that is where my help comes from and my sincere prayer is that you will do the same.