Cats Are Ready to Cast Their Votes for Kamala Harris
My husband Tom and I have discussed recent political events with our boy cat, LB, and his sister, Zari. They are now among a growing number of cats ready to vote for Kamala Harris for President and who also favor her cat-loving running mate, Tim Walz.
Our cats are frustrated that they have previously been denied the right to support a candidate who will advocate for their rights as members of an interspecies family. While Republican candidates have yet to comment on the sanctity of interspecies families like ours, I think their position can be guessed. On the other hand, Harris is an animal rights advocate endorsed by the Humane Society. Walz’s interspecies family includes orange tabby Afton, who is prepared to move to the vice-presidential mansion.
Tom and I believe it is especially important to have political discussions with our cats at a time when some might question whether they are members of their species, although their birth records indicate as much. When I asked them if anyone ever questioned their feline bona fides, Zari said, “Only once, when I tried to get a promotion to Top Cat. The recruiter said the position was slotted for a different hire. Then he pointed out that I sat on my hind legs, like a human, and said he suspected I was claiming to be feline to get the job. After that, I had no desire to work there, then I came home and binged on a bag of treats you hadn’t hidden very well.”
As for LB (short for Little Buddy), I asked him whether having initials for his name made him uncomfortable since Republican Vice-Presidential nominee JD Vance also uses initials and has been dismissive of felines and the people who love them. LB shrugged and walked away before vigorously taking down a birdie toy. I took this as confirmation that I should never again suggest he has anything in common with that person.
While our cats typically join forces over the single issue of rousing us from bed at 5:30 a.m. for breakfast, they have now mobilized with other cats. Most felines agree that their photographic images can be used for free in Harris’ marketing materials. The fashion-conscious cats in the clowder batted around the idea of pink pussy hats that would not restrain their ears and whiskers. However, much as they loved the idea of a Zoom call with tens of thousands of cats all in pink pussy hats, they voted it down since none have had good experiences when a human “gifted” them with a cap.
Perhaps a movement is in order. Instead of giving added votes to the parents of children, as Vance suggested, let’s dole out extra ballots to the people who serve as guardians of their feline family members. I know at least a few folks in swing states with several cats each who are eager to support our country’s first female president, a woman they trust will fight for the welfare of the American people and her animal constituents.
Studies have shown that felines tend to bond more closely with women than men. That could be one reason most cats polled believe that if they met Harris, she would have good instincts about when to pet them and when to leave them alone. Some went further and suggested they would consider getting up on her lap and performing purring duties if Harris was having a particularly stressful day on the campaign trail.
D.C. area shelter cats have volunteered to join the future first family and follow in the paw prints of other White House cats who served under Presidents Ford, Carter, Clinton, Bush, and Biden. A spokescat for these wannabe first felines said, “If Vice President Harris is too busy for the adoption process, her husband can step in. We’re confident he’ll quickly fall for at least one of us.” These future first cats can help with diplomatic meetings. They have pledged to refrain from coughing up hairballs or hissing during talks with difficult world leaders. Instead, they will win them over by chasing toys and employing strategic purring.
Vance had no idea what he would unleash with his comments about childless cat ladies — the wrath of cats and those who love them and their unflagging support for the next animal lover in chief, Kamala Harris.
