Thinking about my Future

Thinking about the future has always been terrifying for me and with my college graduation quickly approaching it’s becoming even more real. I graduate in December. Everyone keeps asking, mainly family, about what I plan to do after graduation. When I was first asked this my answer had to do with writing. I would tell people I’m going to just write, that’s no longer my answer. Now, since reality has started to sink in, my answer is more along the lines of I’ll try to look for a job at a magazine or a newspaper or even just an administrative assistant job somewhere, maybe even at a magazine or a newspaper. An editing job isn’t out of the question either, but I know in my heart that I want to do this, what I’m doing right now. In other words, I want to write. I want to make my dreams come true still, but I also have to face reality.

I know I’m not going to have everything figured out right away, but I think it’s a step in the right direction to be in the frame of mind that I’m in. Before, I was adamant that I would always work from home. Now, looking back at that and being at home writing this now I want to get out into the world and make connections. I’ll still have time to write and do what I love. The connections I could make might help me in the long run, whether it’s editing, at a magazine, or a newspaper. Anywhere I go could help me in the future. However, I do know one thing, I don’t want a job working in the food industry or retail. Those jobs have never appealed to me.

With graduation quickly approaching I’ve been thinking mainly about getting a job, how I do that, and all of that stuff that comes with graduation. Sometimes it weighs on my mind because I also know that I have student loans I have to pay back eventually. I recently discovered how much I’ll owe, that was not a fun night, but that night I came to terms with the fact that I can’t live in my own perfect world. I have to get out there and do something. You may be wondering why I’m not doing that right now. Honestly, I think it’s pointless to get a summer job when in a couple months I’ll be back at school. I’d much rather write on my own time and possibly get somewhere while I’m still in the safety of my parents’ house than try to juggle everything all at once. I am doing something, I’m just doing it in a slightly different way.

Thinking about the future has been scary, but it’s also changed me in a way. It’s gotten me to face reality in a way that I wasn’t willing to before. Honestly, it took my boyfriend to give me a reality check. He told me he didn’t think that my dream of writing was out of my reach just that I have to work to get there and he was right. I do have to work to get there. It’s not what I wanted, but I definitely should have seen this coming. I didn’t want to see this coming. I wanted to live in my perfect world where I could work from home and do whatever I wanted. That’s just not realistic, not in this day and age. Wanting to be an author isn’t the easiest thing in the world, especially when you don’t have any ideas or when you do have ideas and they bore you after a while. I read these fantastic stories and I want to write like that, but I’m still figuring out just how to do that. Writing isn’t as easy as some people might think.

If someone were to ask me where I saw myself in five years I’d have to tell them that I have no idea. I’m hoping that in that time I’ve published something and made a considerable amount of money off of it. Right now, my thinking is more focused on my career and graduation than anything else because that’s what scares me the most. I mean dying alone also scares me, but at the moment that’s not my biggest fear. Some people might be wondering what about marriage and a family in those five years. The answer to that would be that I don’t know. A lot can happen in five years. I can tell you what I hope for, but that’s as far as I can go. I hope to be married in five years. Have a big wedding somewhere beautiful, even right in my backyard, or someone’s backyard.

The relationship aspect of my future is all a bit new to me, since I’ve only been in one for a little over two months now. I can hope that this relationship will last and still be around next year and the year after that, but nothing is for sure. I learned that the hard way with my last relationship. Everything is always in flux, always changing. However, I’m hopeful that this relationship could be part of my future. He’s already done so much already in helping me prepare for my future. I think I was moving in this direction before we got together, but I think he definitely helped push me a little faster to draw the conclusions that I needed to draw. Instead of sugar coating things he was really blunt about everything, which is what I needed. I needed someone to tell me that while my dreams aren’t out of my reach, I need to have something to support myself in order to get there. Books aren’t written overnight after all, they take time and money to develop and edit.

The future is a scary thing to think about, but what we have to remember is that change is okay. At least that’s what I need to remember. Change is hard, but it can be exciting. The changes I’m going through now are scary, but they also need to happen to get me to be the person I want to be. Looking at the future as a dark and scary place of uncertainty and mystery isn’t what I should be doing, which in the past is what I did. Now, I see it more of an adventure which is the way it should be. It’s not all rainbows and unicorns, and I know that at times it will be challenging, but that’s all part of the adventure. Life is an adventure that we should look forward to taking on. No matter where life takes us, it’ll always be an adventure.