What is Love?

Love comes in all different shapes and sizes. Love can be romantic, platonic, familial. It’s not something to take for granted, but people take it for granted all the time. People say it without meaning it. If you ask a little kid what they think love is they come at you with all positive responses. That’s because love is something positive, but we have all these negative associations with it because people take it for granted. The negative associations we have with love come from people doing things that don’t come from love, and yet we still associate those things with love. The reason for that probably is something along the lines that the people we thought loved us did horrible things to us. I’ve had a friend stab me in the back multiple times until I finally got the fact that we were never really friends in the first place. I had someone who told me they loved me break my heart, which has made me afraid of romantic love. The negative connotations we have with love come from people we love hurting us.

Just because people we love hurt us doesn’t mean that love isn’t a positive thing. We just have to separate what hurt us from the feeling of love. I’m still learning how to do this. It’s not easy, but it is possible. The more time that has passed since something hurt you it’s easier to gain perspective on it and separate love out of the equation. However, right after something happens it’s a lot harder to separate love from anything. I know it was hard for me when my ex broke up with me, when the person I thought was my best friend stabbed me in the back, or when the people who I thought were my best friends left me in the dust after I moved. Now, after being able to have some distance from the situations I’ve been able to gain perspective. I know I can still reach out to those friends who I thought left me in the dust and they’ll still talk to me. Friends don’t have to talk to each other all the time in order to be friends. I’m still getting a handle on that one.

As far as my ex goes, well, sometimes love doesn’t last forever in romantic relationships. Either that or he never really loved me in the first place. I’ll never really know and it’s been a long process to get to that realization and accept it. Love isn’t something to be tossed around, but sometimes it happens. Sometimes you think you love someone, but in the end, you really didn’t love that person. It’s possible that’s what happened with my ex. All that matters now is that finding love again is possible. It’s takes a while to come to that conclusion though. I know it took me a while at least.

Love isn’t just having one definition for it and thinking you know exactly what it is. It’s an adventure. Every love is different. Some friends can show they love their friends by simply being there for them when they need a shoulder to cry on. Others show they love their friends by treating each other to nights on the town. As for romantic relationships, they show they love each other in many different ways. Even after a relationship ends couples can still show each other platonic love. It is possible to be friends after a break up after time has been given for each person to get over the break up. Exes can be friends. There’s a slightly different dynamic to it. Some people can’t handle that dynamic and that’s perfectly fine. I’m one of those people, at least with my most recent ex. We tried to be friends, but it just didn’t work out. I would have liked to try to be friends, but now I can see that we were never going to be able to work out that dynamic.

I know it can be scary to put yourself back out there after going through heart ache. Whether it’s with friends or with a relationship, but love is worth it. Instead of thinking about all the pain that love has caused you, think about all the good times you had because of it. All the places you’ve been because you were with your partner or your friends. People come and go, they walk in and out of your life. Instead of being so hurt by it, remember the good times. I know to the people that know me I sound like a giant hypocrite, but I’m still learning. I’m still figuring out this crazy world of love after all.

Despite being terrified of getting hurt again, I’m giving love a second chance. I’m in a new relationship now and it’s going well. There are things from my past relationship that have caused me to overthink things now, but that’s okay. Either I help myself by telling myself that everything is fine, I talk to my best friend, or I talk to him. Communication is important in all relationships, even ones with your family. If something is bothering you talk to someone about it. I was single for so long that I’m still getting the hang of that in my new relationship.

I overthink things and most of the time for no reason. Especially when it comes to this new relationship I’ve been overthinking a lot of things because I’m afraid. There’s no reason I should be afraid of love, but because I was hurt in the past I am. This isn’t what love is. Love should be something positive and uplifting, but love isn’t always easy. There are hard things that come from loving someone. When you lose a family member, that’s a hard thing to deal with that comes out of love.

As for this new relationship I’m in, well that love is still developing and growing and hopefully will be for a long time. I just have to stop being so afraid and let myself be happy, which I’m still in the process of doing. Letting ourselves just be happy is probably one of the hardest things we can do. We find too many things to complain about, especially when it comes to love. Instead of bickering with your partner, sibling, or parents tell them you love them. When the going gets rough stop and tell those you love you love them. Love shouldn’t be something we fear or are angry at, love should be something we work for every single day. Love takes work, but that work is so worth it.