Killed the Internet

Random celebrity posts barely legible status update. “Killed the internet”.

Every headline, from what use to be the tech blogs I had to read each day, has become full of buzz words and bossy bullshit like “hack” “killed the internet” “meet your new favorite/must have/can’t be without whatever”.

Do you know what the last thing that actually killed my internet was? Time Warner Cable. Those assholes kill my internet on a weekly basis. Usually they refer to it as an outage, and try to add some technical jargon to explain how A) they will still charge me for it. B)it’s not their fault, even if they are you know, in charge of making sure it works. Whatever. Those fuckers know what is going on.

Then there is the constant stream of life hacks. Hey people, lets be honest here… using an empty toilet paper roll to hold qtips isn’t a hack. It’s being to lazy to buy a qtip holder, but too classy to just use them straight outta the box. And shoveling your walk during a blizzard so people can make it past your house, not a fucking hack…its just common decency.

Remember the hoverboard? The one that you told me I had to have. The one that you said was going to be my new favorite thing. The one you promised I couldn’t live without. You know, the very same one that keeps turning into a single person sized version of what is literally hell on wheels? Hell on wheels. Because of the tiny “burst into flames” issue. Good thing I was too annoyed with your latest life hack to listen to your shopping tips.

Stop with the clickbait, buzz words, shopping tips for products I don’t need. Stop making stupid people famous, telling me faster way to make a grilled cheese, and FFS that hoverboard didn’t even fucking hover. I watched Back to the Future. I know what a damned HOVERBOARD should do. And it’s HOVER. Not burst into flames.