How Many Times Must I Start This Journey

So I’ve started this journey several times. A journey that will change everything about who I am. A journey that I imagine will instantly make me extremely gorgeous, take me back to my hey days and give me a super human type of energy to tackle anything that comes my way in 1/3 of the time it does now.

It’s a good place that. The sun always shines there. And everything you do makes you perspire just a little. Gleam even.

I dream of this trip. Of finishing it. But because I’ve taken so long the amount of weight I now have to lose is 40kilos.

💆🏽 I need a massage just to internalize that number. 40 kilos. It’s almost like one kilo for every year that I’ve been alive.

I have always had an excuse for things not working. It was raining, I have this strange pain every time I stand too long, I don’t eat badly I’m just inactive, my body responds very well to exercise, that trainer keeps sending me whatsapp messages with flowers on them, the office shower gave me a little zap today, that pool is so far out of my daily commute and I spend so much time on the road already… surely.

Actually, everything I’ve said there is true. It’s quite the elaborate list. But when the weight keeps piling on and the discomforts get worse, you keep looking back at that road.

It’s not even calling your name but you know. You know that things are going to change.

I won’t say what I am doing to try and lose weight because it doesn’t matter. The only thing that is important is that I finish this journey.

That I walk and crawl and roll on that road until I get to that beaten down sign at the end that says “Hey, you made it…” (Never mind that I have to do some more rolling to stay there)… 👀

I feel like the end might not be as picturesque as I imagine it. The fanfare will be on the way, but most times I will be alone on this road.

I will accept that there will be no quantum leap unless I make a career of it. I will know not to reward myself when the initial 8kilos go boom while I wasn’t looking. I will be careful not to leave it to chance or tell people how hard I am working at it.

I will just shush and walk this road of mine. Until I can talk to that guy who can drift with no hands, you know, Mano a mano?

Say what you will, just tell me that you’re with me. ☝🏽cheers

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