Struggling to Relax
When the “Language of Surrender” doesn’t come easily
Is it just me, or does anyone else struggle to relax?
Relaxing for me can look like crashing (collapsing from utter exhaustion) or vegging out (transporting me away from myself through activities and substances that entertain/take the edge off of my inner critic who ~ God bless her ~ works relentlessly to keep me productive).
Yet I yearn to learn how to relax into myself.
I’ve been working at the art of relaxing into myself since 2016, when a simple experience illuminated its profound value.
Why Bother Relaxing INTO Ourselves?
I was leading a meeting about the future of our organization, and my colleague, Tania Bertolone, said to me, “Breathe!”
“What the heck is she talking about? I wondered. “Breathe? I’m already breathing! “
It seemed to be the most arbitrary of ideas presented at the most inopportune of times. She proceeded to pulled out a phone app with an expanding and contracting circle. Entranced by the visual feedback, I intuitively began to adjust the rate of my breath to match the circle’s cadence.
That’s it! That was the whole experience (I wasn’t kidding when I said it was a simple experience ~ but its impact was profound!)
Why? Because the ROI was huge! A 60 second detour in my focus shifted my INNER STATE by grounding me back into the present moment and back into my body.
When our board “got back to work,” I was changed, and that changed the tone of the meeting, which changed our capacity to think more clearly, which ultimately changed the future we created together.
Struggling with How I Struggle to Relax
Somewhere within me lives a story that suggests it should be easy to relax. When I hold that story, discouragement grows into a fierce monster that devours my earnestness for breakfast. “Five years later ~ day in and day out ~ and I’m still chipping away at this. What the heck is wrong with me? I wonder.
That’s why it was love at first sight when I encountered the term “the language of surrender.” Like the fresh air of spring flowing through newly opened windows, space and compassion opened within myself ~ for myself ~ when I heard this term.
“If surrender is a language, it makes total sense that it would take time to learn!” I’m finally able to say to myself. “And how very foreign this language would be for anyone who grew up in the paradigm of command-and-control, as we’ve been schooled in the art of productivity and efficiency! Add to this the fact that we have little access to fluent speakers of this language from whom we can learn from, and suddenly 5 years of struggle starts to make more sense!”
So, if you might also be struggling to relax:
- Know you’re not alone! I’m sitting right beside you! Perhaps our first practice of surrender will be to the fact that it might actually take effort for us to learn to relax.
- Persist despite the struggle! Why? Because there are few skills more necessary for our times than the ability to “just rest” amid the waves of rapid change!
- Pause when you need to! Don’t berate yourself when you need to take a break from trying to relax into yourself and revert back to more familiar ways of relaxing that take you away from yourself. If you are conscious of this choice, you’re already rocking the learning curve!
- Find community (or create one)! Both the language of productivity and the language of surrender are developed and sustained by groups of people. When we realize that the people we flock with determine which language we’ll practice, we might be inspired to reach out and make a few new learning buddies, or invite our current friends to learn this new language with us!
…..
Featured Work: I delight in connecting Paradigm Shifting Professionals with soul nourishing ideas, as well as with like-hearted people! This post features the work of Anayza, a cherished colleague, who (along with Aitabé Fornés) welcomed me into the world of Constellations (a Transformative Social System I’m tracking). I found this quote through her newsletter, which is full of nourishing wisdom! Also featured is Tania Bertolone, a cherished colleague who has helped me along the path toward greater wholeness and wellbeing.
