Missing
Today is the start of the Minnesota State Fair.
There are two things that I LIVE for. 1) The Olympics. I love them. I love both the summer and the winter games. I love watching athletes do amazing things. I love watching people have pride in their countries. I love the opening ceremonies where the countries lay out their history and what’s great about them. I love the weirdo sports that are involved. I love everything about them. And I get to go to the winter Olympics next year hopefully!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2) The Minnesota State Fair. Which I do not get to go to. Possibly for a very long time. For sure not this year and probably not next. Which sucks. Because I am a fair Person. Capital P. Like going-for-3-of-the-12-days-for-at- least-10-hours-possibly-12-hours-a-day fair Person. My family had a tradition when I was growing up of always going on the first day of the fair with *just* my immediate family. No friends. No extended family. Just us. We wore matching t-shirts so we could find each other easily in the crowd and picked out the best route based on what everyone wanted to see. We’d get there at 9am and leave at 10pm. It was the best. We continued that tradition as long as possible. My parents still go the first day. When I was old enough I started to sleep over for 2 nights, 3 days at the fair in the 4-H building. From 6th grade -13th grade I had my projects judged at the State Fair after winning a trip from our county. From 9th grade -11th grade I lived on the fairground for 22 days. 10 days to prepare the 4-H Arts-In show and 12 days to perform it. Those were the most magical days of my life. I lived on the grounds of the fair with my best friends. I got to dance and sing and perform for thousands of people. We wandered the fair during the day and at night. We danced, ate well, and made memories for a lifetime. I have missed the fair only twice before in my life. Once I was in Italy before my student teaching in Ireland. And the other time I was here. In Korea. Last year. Both times were horribly difficult for me.
This year I thought I was doing ok with missing the fair. I knew I was going to miss it when I went home for the summer so I stocked up on eating fair food and visiting county fairs when I could. I ate corn dogs and mini donuts and kettle corn and a wild rice burger. I watched county Arts-In and connected again with the people who changed my life. I deeped bonds that were made through sweating it out in an unairconditioned barn or concrete building in the 100 degree heat performing for people with everything in you. And all of that reminded me of how lucky I was and I thought it would be enough.
I was happy to come back to Korea. These first 3 weeks of teaching have been really good. I’m finally getting my groove. I’m enjoying what I’m teaching and my students. I am working out again which has been painful but also really good. I’m going to the beach and laughing with friends. I thought maybe I was finally getting used to being away and that Korea was starting to really feel like home. And so I wasn’t prepared for the emotions of the opening day of the fair. I did not anticipate being as affected as I am tonight.
This onslaught of emotions reminded me of a lesson that expats or expatriates (someone temporarily residing outside one’s home country) learn quickly: no matter where you are part of your heart is somewhere else. Part of my heart is in England where I left it after studying abroad there. Part of my heart is in Ireland where I left it in the care of students and adults after student teaching. Part of my heart is in Duluth from college. Part of my heart is in MN. Always. And now part of my heart is here in Korea. Travel and the experiences that I have gained by leaving my home country are the most precious things I have. I would never trade them for anything. But they come with baggage and difficulties too sometimes. And right now feels like a moment when the baggage is slightly winning over the precious memories.
Feeling the emotions and processing them allows for people to continue to live abroad. And so tonight I am feeling the deep longing for the fair and my people. I am writing about my memories and my feelings. And tomorrow I might tell my kids about it. And then I will move on to Harry Potter movie nights, card nights, beach mornings, and adventures in trying to learn Korean.
Enjoy the fair. Eat food on a stick. And think of me.





