An Eclipse Hangover
I am writing this while sitting on a blanket in the middle of the park next to the river where we spread our mother’s ashes. I am listening to the Spotify playlist I created almost three years ago for her wake. A plethora of Enya and Whitney Houston. My earbuds are safely in place. I am crying while my eyes are shielded by my sunglasses and I’m sure my nose is beet red. There is a man nearby who is tapping away on his laptop and intermittently stops to speak on his phone annoyingly while gesturing and pacing with his hands on his hips. I do not care what he thinks of me.

Today is my mother’s birthday. She would’ve been 68 years-old. I had no idea how I would feel about it until now. There have been days in the past where I was sure I’d feel terrible and didn’t. I only felt remorseful for not feeling so afterward. I allowed myself space today to feel whatever came to me. This morning I was overwrought with emotion. Most of all, sadness. I spent the morning crying on the couch which gave way to a raging headache at work and inquiries of “are-you-okays”.
I had a conversation with a very close friend of mine last night about emotions and overthinking. This morning she sent me a link to an article about yesterday’s eclipse.
“We tend to feel the strongest pulls during the full moon, which may result in heightened emotions and feelings of heaviness on a physical and energetic level,” says Allison Walton, women’s health and integrative nutrition specialist in Richmond, Virginia. “Think about the power of the moon’s gravitational pull on the tides. Now imagine what that may do to our body as well. Meanwhile, the full moon, which, I repeat, is happening today y’all, will cause many people to experience heightened emotions,” explains Walton.
Hormones and emotions are a peculiar thing. Especially for women. There are times I do not behave like myself. I call them “out of body experiences”. I know I am a rational person, but that person over there (me, but not really me) is not behaving rationally. I will typically acknowledge this behavior internally and try my best to keep a lid on it (minus a few lucky souls who are on the receiving end and get to experience me in the raw.)
Today I’ve chosen to not keep a lid on it. Gravitational pull told me to be in this park at this very moment. The moon gave me permission to unabashedly cry like a river, no questions asked.
