Anxiety for Breakfast: My Experience With High-Functioning Anxiety

Before I traded in the Statue of Liberty for Big Ben, my morning routine was highly predictable. Each day, I would leave my lower Manhattan apartment around 7:20am and walk up John St. to the Fulton Center Subway platform to catch the Uptown 4 or 5 express train. The train ran every two to three minutes and would take me about 15 to get to my stop in Midtown. Like many New Yorkers (and commuters in general), I had learned to time my commute perfectly, allowing me just enough time to grab an iced coffee before stepping into my office around 7:55am.
Me: Seems easy enough, right?
Anxiety: Nah, LOL, try again
Although I had done this exact trip hundreds of times, all it took was something as simple (and as frequent) as a train delay to trigger an onset of non-stop anxious thoughts. What if this stupid train makes me late to work? What if I can’t fit on the next one because of the delay? Oh no, I can’t text my boss because I don’t have service. Will he say something when I walk in 5 minutes late? A train delay sounds like an excuse — he will definitely think I’m lying. These thoughts were unavoidable, despite the fact that I had a completely understanding boss who would be utterly unbothered by my arrival time. This, my friends, is one example of the many anxious thoughts that would dance through my head before I even checked emails from the night before.
Anxiety: You Up?
Over the past two years, I have become more self-aware of my anxious tendencies and the impact that they have on my day-to-day routine. When I first started researching ways to get a grip on these unwanted feelings, I came across the term “high-functioning anxiety” and could instantly relate. In a Headspace article written by Sara Lindberg titled “What It’s Like to Have High-Functioning Anxiety,” Lindberg summarizes what I (and many of us) feel on a daily basis. In her article, she discusses how those with high-functioning anxiety often attempt to hide from their struggle through “smiles and laughs, success and achievements, and a decent dose of extroversion.”
While the term is not one currently used by researchers and is not an official diagnosis, it is becoming more prevalent in conversations surrounding anxiety. Those who identify with the phrase are often highly productive individuals who maintain busy and successful work and social lives despite experiencing anxiety in excess. We have the tendency to overanalyze every little thing and use our anxious energy to drive us through the day. In the workplace, these traits will often allow us to excel at our jobs, while silently driving us crazy in the meantime.
Recently, I took a moment to attempt to break down some of the ways in which I believe my anxiety has allowed me to be successful:
- The anxious feeling that I associate with being late has in turn made me extremely punctual, both in my professional and personal life.
- I love to keep myself busy and engaged in multiple projects at once in an attempt to fill my head with non-anxious thoughts.
- I have become increasingly driven by detail and I have seen my quality of work improve out of fear of not being good enough.
- I have become a pretty decent planner because having a plan not only keeps me busy, but adds structure to my day (or week).
Despite the ways in which my anxiety has been almost “beneficial” to me at work, the uncomfortable and daunting feelings that come along with it do not always seem worth it. At work, I allow insignificant details to drive me nuts. In my personal life, I often find it challenging to separate my emotions from my decision-making. This got me wondering, at what point does anxiety stop being helpful and start being debilitating?
It’s Helpful, Until It’s Not
Occasional anxiety is natural adaptive reaction that serves a purpose. Humans and animals will often experience anxious states when presented with an actual or potential threat to well-being or survival. The biological function of the psychological, physiological, and behavioral changes that arise from high-anxiety situations is to facilitate coping with an unexpected or adverse situation. But once these responses no longer serve their intended purposes, feelings of anxiety become highly exhausting and quite frankly, confusing.
A quick Google search of “anxiety at work” returns 13,500,000 results with “anxiety in the workplace” generating 26,1000,000 results. According to Google Trends, we have seen a consistent rise in anxiety-related searches over the past five years. This month, the term “anxiety at work” was searched double the amount of times than it was in June 2012. Although this increase can be accredited to multiple different factors, there’s no doubt that anxiety and its unwanted presence in the workplace isn’t going anywhere. Unfortunately there is no definitive cure to anxiety, but there are ways that we can tackle it.
So Now What?
I still deal with anxious thoughts way more than I would like to admit, but being conscious of them has allowed me to take steps to get them under control. Below are four in-the-moment ways in which I attempt to get a better grip on my feelings, especially while at work.
- The Rise of the Meme: Mental health issues are not a laughing matter, however a case could be made that numerous popular Facebook and Instagram accounts have helped destigmatize anxiety through humor-based posts. In fact, anxiety-themed memes have become so popular that BuzzFeed recently wrote a post which solely included 55 memes that relate to anxiety. Even though many of the individuals who create this content might not suffer from an anxiety disorder, I find comfort in the fact that I can relate to such a large audience. If you’re not a fan of memes, googling photos of corgi puppies is a solid alternative.
- Shake/Curse/Stare It Out: I have personally found that an attempt to sweep my anxious thoughts under the rug only cause them to grow. Many of us have jobs that don’t allow us to leave work in the middle of the day for a gym session, so finding alternative ways to let out anxious energy can make or break your day. A quick trip to the bathroom or isolated place can help you shake out those unwanted feelings. SHAKE: Flail your arms up and down while shaking your hands and bouncing back and forth (might be mistaken for a new killer dance move) and tell yourself that you’re getting rid of all the anxious thoughts in your head. CURSE: Although I am not condoning cursing or yelling in a public space, it can feel REALLY good to verbally assault your negative thoughts. Call up a good friend, family member or simply go for a walk by yourself and vent it out. Do you hate the fact that your printer took two minutes to print a one-page document this morning? It’s OK to be extremely bothered by this. STARE: As strange as it may sound, sometimes a quick look in the mirror will remind you that you’re human. Give yourself a quick pep talk and remind yourself that no challenge is too big, and that you are greater than your anxiety. If that fails, mess around with Snapchat filers until you find your favorite one. Sending out a selfie to your whole contact list is optional (but encouraged).
- Pump Up The Jams: Listening to music at work is always great, but it can be especially helpful if you need to zone out for a bit. Spotify premium is life changing, and if you get bored of your daily playlists, Podcasts are another great option. I’ve found that the background discussions can be a great distraction from anxious thoughts, while still allowing me to focus on whatever task is in front of me.
- Say Goodbye to What If’s: This is something that everyone can relate to, regardless of your relationship with anxiety. At work, I constantly find myself asking endless questions that I will probably never know the answer to. What if I had used a different opening slide in my PowerPoint? Why didn’t my colleague call me back? While self-reflection after a presentation or project can absolutely be beneficial for professional growth, I often find myself headed down a road with no end. When we allow ourselves to worry over our every action (or someone else’s action), we are limiting ourselves from maximizing our potential and productivity. It’s important to learn the difference between strategic thinking vs. unnecessary thoughts, which is something I am still trying to master. Write these questions down, and then cross them out!
It’s Not Me, It’s You
There are a million and one factors that impact our response and relationship with anxiety, including the fact that being anxiety-prone is hereditary. However, research has shown that some individuals who have never experienced any mental health concerns will encounter an anxiety disorder as a result of a high-stress workplace. To put it bluntly, it’s possible that your boss or job may just suck.
When we spend 40+ hours a week at work, it’s imperative to our mental health that we find ourselves working in a safe and healthy environment. Characteristics of an unpleasant work life may include a manipulative boss, demanding hours, or role ambiguity. These can be emotionally debilitating, especially if they occur simultaneously. If you remove yourself from the equation and still obvious that there is unfixable dysfunction in your organization, it may be time to say goodbye!