10 Benefits of Being a Pale* Chick
- You don’t need sunlight because you already gloriously sparkle as BRIGHT as the sun! #babyyoureafirework
- People call you Porcelain Princess or Snow White. (or Vampire, but depending on which tweenage book series you’ve read, this could be a compliment!)
- During nighttime, you will NOT get run over by a car or trampled by a pedestrian.
- You rock darks and jewel tones (except for yellow/gold), which — lucky for you — are the best colors anyway.
- Your skin is less likely to develop cancer or age as quickly. #healthyisthenew50
- You enjoy more time in the ocean while at the beach, and when you’re not gleefully frolicking in the water and dancing with the fishes (#splashtown), you can wrap yourself (tightly) in the comfiest jewel-tone towel. #mmm
- You can prank your little sister by turning off all the lights in the basement and pretending you’re a ghost. #boootiful
- You don’t need to wear foundation because if you did, CoverGirl would make one light enough to hide your gleaming skin color. #coverWHAT
- You get to save the money that you would otherwise spend on that foundation, tanning lotion, tanning oil (what IS that?), cancer boxes (aka “tanning beds” — so misleading), and other miscellaneous tanning paraphernalia.
- And did I mention Snow White? There’s a Disney Princess (Brothers Grimm version just sounds less enticing) named for your skin, whose complexion a queen/witch was so jealous of, that she poisoned her with an apple! (Just be extra cautious of apples.) #NOAppleaDaykeepsdeathAway
*“Pale”= “not tan” or “not maintaining a tan.” There is no hidden racial agenda, obviously!