Adventures Alone: Attend Bernie Sanders’ March Against Corporate Greed and The Peoples’ Dinner

Lauren Alexis Wood
Nov 2 · 6 min read

My ‘Adventures Alone’ series is where I go do something wacky by myself and then go on and on about it. Because I’m old and single and childless and free and insane and I can, so I do. I am more than happy to live out a non-stop, hip, young, continuous-dreamscape-consciousness during my waking hours while you people have to adult. I most certainly do not mind whatsoever. Check out my Spring Break Adventure, my solo camping trip, and this wild underground punk show. Next I’m headed to Chicago for a few days to explore a very promising potential professional opportunity with a start-up so I can only imagine the tale I will have to weave afterwards.

Anyway, check this out:

These people were ready to rock & roll.

I live in Iowa, which is apparently some kinda important political deal. Candidates swing through all the time to reroute traffic downtown and there’s always some kinda something or other march or meeting or gathering (not like those clown people though).

Anyway, someone has taken the liberty of making sure each and every political campaign volunteer group has my personal cell phone number to text and call on the hour, every hour, which is actually just fine with me because it’s nice to get some texts that aren’t just automated text club coupon links sometimes. I am currently in heated weeks-long debates with someone working with the Yang, Warren, AND Biden campaigns and I am just waiting to see where these text relationships end up.

Last week a young Bernie campaign volunteer texted me about a rally in Des Moines and I told him to update his socialist spreadsheet because I live in DAVENPORT not DES MOINES but then a day and a half later a nice lady from that same field office called to let me know that there would be free bus rides from Davenport to Des Moines for the rally and I was like sign me the fuck up I love Bernie Sanders, feel the Bern, down to corporate greed, healthcare for everyone!

Buckle up motherfuckers, this guy’s got some stuff to share!

The travel time between Davenport and Des Moines Iowa is somewhere between 2 and 3 hours dependent.

I spent 40 of those minutes trapped in the bus bathroom due to a broken lock mechanism.

Riveting.

All in all a fairly uneventful trip other than the bathroom thing. However, oh how the tide would change once we hit Des Moines.

Yeah, hi. Um… I’m not, like, 100% sure how the stock market or business works but if someone could direct me on the best ways in which to involve myself in the lawn sign business during election season I would be forever grateful.

Oh, it’s on.

Upon arriving we (1,400 Iowans from across the state) gathered in front of the Veteran’s Memorial some-kinda-convention-center in downtown Des Moines for the kick-off rally.

I’ve been to one political rally in my life and it was only because someone was making me and it was pretty boring and stupid.

This one?

Pretty fucking cool.

Oh look! It’s Bernie!

Oh, wait that’s not him. That’s someone’s super-elaborate costume. You do you, man!

Wait! There’s Bernie!

Oh, hang on. No. Okay that’s just a cardboard cutout. Honestly? In my opinion, I think it’s a ballsy and simultaneous classy move to bring a cardboard cutout of the person you are going to be seeing.

Oh! Okay, this is Bernie for sure.

Oh, nope. Just honestly beautiful and elaborate sign art.

Oh shit! BERNIE!!!

If I am being 1,000% honest with you I may or may not be caucusing for Bernie, however?

Coolest old man. On the planet. Known fact.

Anyway, after the rally, which, by the way, had a brass band so you know it was hella fun.

Oh!!! Real quick! Uh, by the way?

I ran inside at one point to find and use the restroom after standing out in the cold for hours, and you will not believe this, but the goddamn Kamala Harris camp had all their stuff inside AND they had a dance team AND a drum line! What the actual fuck???

Uh, okay. I guess I’ll just go back outside in the cold and fuck myself, Kamala.

Anyway, after the rally was the March.

It was cold and rainy however the March was only four blocks so it pretty much balanced out.

At the end?

A kick ass program and dinner.

Uh, real quick. Apparently the other democratic hopefuls were holding a $10,000 per plate fancy dinner fundraiser right across the street while us commoners gobbled up our free socialist scraps.

Fuck ‘em!

Bernie marched right up in there and told them what the fuck was up while we watched on giant screens from across the street like the largest FBI surveillance van on the planet.

Fuck your $10K dinner plates you greedy assholes! We’re GRASS! ROOTS!

Obviously he came back over to our side and spilled all the dirt he got from across the street. Yeah Bernie! Go on and give power back to the people, okay!!!

All in all?

Pretty amazing experience.

I guess I better register to vote.

Lauren Alexis Wood

Written by

Founder/Owner of Paradisiac Publishing paradisiacpublishing.tumblr.com youcanbuymybooksifyouwant.tumblr.com https://laurenalexiswood.yolasite.com

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