Why I wish I’d had a Near-Death Experience

Lauren Ann Hickey
Aug 28, 2017 · 4 min read

This isn’t about wanting to die. And as selfish as it may sound to want to experience such an event, it’s not what you think.

I’ve been studying human consciousness both experientially and academically for almost a decade. I’ve looked at flow states, peak experiences, spiritual experiences, states of consciousness, altered states, near-death experiences — whatever you want to call this collection of universal phenomena that occur across all cultures of the world.

And frankly I find the research fascinating on philosophical, spiritual, and scientific levels. Especially the NDE variety, which covers those individuals who were clincally dead, or those who have had out-of-body experiences during accidents or on the table during surgery.

I’ve researched these phenomena at two universities that hold a long-time lineage to these areas: Harvard University, where the history of academically studying religious experiences as core human experiences across cultures began, as well as Boston University, the site of the infamous Marsh Chapel Experiment.

But the research isn’t the only thing driving my curiosity.

I’ve had my share of peak experiences since I began meditating nearly ten years ago.

And yet, I rarely share them publicly.

My moments of sheer bliss, Oneness, Timelessness, Selflessness, pure Loving Presence.

For some reason I thought these were unworthy of sharing because they weren’t — according to my ego — “profound” enough. I mean, I haven’t died and come back to talk about it, so.

But last night I had a different kind of experience.

For 12 hours yesterday I spent most of my time making trips to the bathroom with what must have been food poisoning. It was merely inconvenient until nightfall when I began having chills while wrapped up in a fuzzy blanket, sitting in my tank top and underwear, as it had been around 90 degrees in France yesterday. My body ached, my head hurt, and I was at the point of wanting to pass out because staying fully conscious was too much effort.

On my last trip to the bathroom, I sat there in my desperation and prayed, said mantras, asked angels to help me, anything. I then began to ask individual people in my mind one by one to pray for me.

That’s when it happened.

Each time I spoke to a specific person in my mind, I saw a thread of light weave into a web of energy in my abdominal cavity, until my stomach and heart were illuminated. If that wasn’t far out enough, I almost instantaneously felt better. I walked out of the bathroom, laid down, and found that I had stopped shaking, I was no longer cold, and my stomach and head no longer hurt. I was fully in my normal waking consciousness.

My spiritual experiences in the past have certainly caused visceral reactions in my body, but never a sort of physical healing aside from minor pain relief if that were the case.

But it wasn’t that I just felt better. This web felt like love and support, surrender, and the sort of connection I’ve experienced in deep meditative states. It was enough to make tears stream down my face as I told my concerned boyfriend that I felt better.

One of the shared characteristics of such experiences is their ineffability, as words cannot possibly capture their richness when we attempt to recount them to others. The framing and integration of them afterward is also significant.

As I reflected upon my day, as well as the location of my discomfort — my abdomen — I couldn’t help but notice the correlation between my restlessness and my solar plexus chakra, the seat of power, will, and confidence. My ego had been overactive all day, and as soon as I surrendered, peace and comfort came.

So, I didn’t die and come back to talk about it (an event only an overactive ego would think was necessary to begin with), but there you have it. Another example of a peak experience.

My point in sharing is this: the illusion of separation is one of the most insidious lies that plagues humanity, whether in the deep recesses of our individual minds or the collective consciousness. It creates mental distress within ourselves as well as divisiveness based on fear, hate, racism, and scarcity. All because we forget that we are ONE.

THAT is why peak experiences have played such a critical role in human societies. We need constant reminding that we are not separate; that there are unseen depths beyond the realm of our physical senses. That we are so much more than we see.

Photo by Biel Morro on Unsplash

As Virginia Woolf wrote in her memoir Moments of Being:

“Behind the cotton wool is hidden a pattern; that we — I mean all human beings — are connected with this; that the whole world is a work of art; that we are parts of the work of art.”

Please share your stories and experiences with the world, no matter how unexciting you think they may be. Spread your truth. You never know who needs to hear it. Now, more than ever.


I’m currently traveling the globe with my sweetheart Kyle as we work. New website coming soon, but in the meantime find me at www.facebook.com/liveinabsolutefreedom/

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Lauren Ann Hickey

Written by

Globe-trotter, foodie, dancer, yogi, flow researcher. Advocate of Absolute Freedom for mind, body and soul. Stay tuned: absolutefreedom.life

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