2017 — A Personal Reflection
All glory be to Christ indeed! To say that reflecting on this last year leaves me in awe of our Lord and His kindness is quite the understatement. For me, the beginning of the year was filled with fear and doubt; standing at the foot of the mountain of support raising with all it’s difficulty looming overhead feeling hopeful but woefully inadequate. The following months proved to be both encouraging and depressing at the same time. Daniel and I both felt more and more certain about our calling yet burdened by the uphill battles of fear, self doubt, rejection, perfectionism, and team work (or lack there of).
January — April left me inward focused and depleted. I was scared and alone. I felt as though in order to be successful support raising I had to have all my ducks in a row. My marriage had to be stellar, my parenting sacrificial and joyous, my discipleship on point. No conflict, no doubt, just bliss and hyper-spiritualism would do. Praise the Lord who does not forsake us and leave us to fix ourselves.
In April the Lord graciously began pulling me out of it and lifting my eyes back toward him. Through the providential means of safe friendships, wise spirit-led authors, a local church conference and the vulnerability of honesty and prayer the second half of the year was full of joy and peace. It wasn’t all rainbows and butterflies, but the overtones were a stark contrast to the months prior. I grew in faithfulness, confidence, vulnerability, trust. I began opening my hands from the fierce clutch of trying to control my surroundings and incredible things were happening. There is no reason for God’s kindness to us other than He is good and He loves and He has His purposes that I can not begin to understand. In reflection I am certain only that we do not deserve what we have been given.
Should nothing of our efforts stand
No legacy survive
Unless the Lord does raise the house
In vain its builders strive
We have failed at many things this year, our best effort has not been good enough and it’s hard to confront. It’s easier to know that you have been successful than to know you have failed and yet God has provided where you couldn’t. It hurts our pride and our flesh recoils with the knowledge of it. The kindness of the Lord is sweet though. To fall and be caught up in the soft strong hand of the Lord is an immense blessing. I feel helpless and hopeful, and full of joy and thankfulness. I can not contribute my circumstances to my own success or that of my husband. Only the Lord gets this glory and I will sing His praises! Daniel and I are not great at support raising, it’s been a struggle to say the least. I think it is for most people who do it and each road is unique in the way God choses to provide for His children who seek to finish the task He has given us.
The bottom line here is that through the faithful generosity of God’s people and His own divine provision we could not have foreseen, we are able to move forward out of full time support raising into full time ministry work with Perspectives. We are not at 100% of our monthly partnership goal, so there is some risk in moving forward and we will continue to seek out monthly partners as the Lord leads. But we believe at this point we are able to confidently say that He has made a way and we are grateful to begin our preferred work.
To you who boast tomorrow’s gain
Tell me, What is your life?
A mist that vanishes at dawn
All glory be to Christ!
- “All Glory be to Christ” by King Kaleidoscope
*A more official ministry partner year end update is coming soon.*