Motherhood, it’s not About my Kids.

Motherhood is not what I expected it to be.

For some reason, I thought it would be very surface and easy to grasp.

I get pregnant, I have babies, I love them, I take care of them, they grow up, la tee da, happy story.

That has not been the case at all.

Motherhood has been the greatest mirror and teacher of MYSELF.

Being a mother has showed me all of the places within that I have closed my heart and have lived in fear. Motherhood gently beckons me to open back up and allow these precious, innocent little beings inside.

Motherhood has taught me love. Not just easy love because your child is adorable, but real love. Unconditional love.

The kind of love that is willing to do whatever it takes, even face my own greatest fears, in order to better the lives of the two beings who rely on me the most.

Unconditional love that lets go of blame and judgment, and opens up to new ways of seeing life, and human connection.

It’s easy to judge a bully when it’s someone else you don’t know…

When that person is your child, it forces you to release every judgment you’ve ever had against anyone else, because you love this being, and see the truth about him….

Seeing the world in black and white is no longer an option.

There is no longer good or bad,

Just lots of colors, lots of difference, and lots of acceptance.

If I judge the world to be bad and terrible, then that judgment lands on my child, my precious little soul who I behold as light and wonder…

So if there’s no way that they are bad, there’s no way that the world is bad.

My child teaches me that world is good.

My children teach me patience.

My love for them forces me to go beyond the emotional capacities I knew possible.

Out of such respect for them and their gloriousness, I strive to never hurt or injure out of ignorance, which leads to a lot of soul searching.

My children teach me to detach.

To let go of the expectations and hopes I have for them, and to follow them and their hearts and paths.

They teach me that each soul is exactly where it needs to be, and is perfect on its journey, even if in my limited capacity I disagree. They teach me to accept.

Being a mother is not about my kids.

It’s about me.

It’s about loving someone so deeply, that I am willing to dig and scour my inner most darkness, so that I can be the best mother I possibly can for them.

Motherhood is about service.

Motherhood is about learning.

Motherhood is about growth, passion, tears, smiles, and everything in between.

Today, I am so grateful for my Babies, and that I have the great privilege to be called, “mommy”.

Happy mothers Day.



*photographer: Mandy McCabe: