Since then, I’ve wondered whether the societal obsession with weddings — the planning and performance of it all — is in part about having control over something that is ultimately incredibly precarious. We can craft a menu and choose flowers, but there’s no guarantee a marriage will work out in the en…
How beautifully put. It is incredibly precarious — and I love how you’ve dispelled why that is what makes ultimately making it work beautiful.
I met my husband in college and, while we were there, one of my professors started class one day with a soliloquy about the myth of soulmates. “You might think your boyfriend is your boyfriend because you were meant to be together,” she said, “but if you had gone to another college, you would have met someone else, and then you’d think they were your soulmate.” She was addressing a lecture hall (though I can’t pinpoint in my memory why this was a topic of discussion), but it felt like she was speaking directly to me and although I wanted to believe me and my then-boyfriend were “meant to be,” but I could never quite get her voice out of my head, and I could never shake the idea that had we each made a different choice, our paths wouldn’t have crossed, and someone else’s jacket would be flung over the chair next to where I’m sitting now.
I love how you’ve framed this concept here. “Meant to be” feels so celestial and preordained. Choosing regularly to stay together is active, constant, and lets us be the responsible parties. Which, as you note, we are.
Thanks again. I’m always a fan of your words, and really loved this piece in particular. And: happy anniversary.