There’s A Reason Adult Children Cut Contact With A Parent

I’m an adult who has cut contact with a parent. In my case, my mother.

It was one of the most difficult decisions I’ve ever made, yet it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, a fact that is bittersweet. I will always have a mother-shaped wound and long for a bond with her. But since cutting her out of my life, I’ve developed a measure of self respect that helps me in every relationship I have.

Despite the benefits of an estrangement, I’ve always wished it went differently, and I’ve always been curious (and felt bad about) what my mother has experienced in the process of losing our relationship.

So I’ve read the stories (some of which are on medium) written by parents who are estranged from their adult children. I’ve read the forums for estranged parents of adult children.

These narratives make me feel sympathy for these parents who have undergone such a difficult loss. But while they often state that reconciliation is their goal (it’s mine, too), the ways they interpret their adult child’s perspective offers insight into why the estrangement happened in the first place. And why it will likely continue.

These parents minimize or deny any harm they may have caused. They instead accuse their adult children of a full range of defects. They…