What’s the big deal about an insight?
Jonas Ellison
8210

This makes so much sense. Is there a method for encouraging the intellectual awareness to trigger a visceral insight? When I make a decision to which someone else take objection, their response can leave me as helpless as a quivering blob of jello. Whether my decision is a life choice, (my first year in college I finally found a career choice about which I was very excited), or when I say “No,” to a request from close friends or family (which I seldom do), when they respond with with something similar to, “You are being selfish or self centered,” or “You don’t care about my feelings and what other people will think about me,” or anything along those lines, I am immediately overwhelmed by feelings of shame and guilt. My brain goes blank, I feel as if I might dissolve physically, words fail me to describe the emotional reaction but it is some combination of terror, powerlessness, and worthless scum. Intellectually, I realize that this reaction does not represent the truth, so I have tried to train my brain to excuse myself from the situation in order to silently talk myself back from that abyss. This action has served to lessen the intensity of the reaction, especially if I am expecting that type of response. But it lingers and gnaws at me undermining my resolve to make my own life choices and I think it even limits new options, desires and interests from arising and also effects my feelings or views about their viability and my desire to explore them. I imagine that this sounds like a trivial issue, but for someone who remains calm in a crisis, seldom has outward displays of anger, and tries to maintain a pleasant, friendly attitude (not that this is always a positive method), and whose feelings in general, often remain just below my normal level of awareness, this onslaught of massively powerful, immobilizing, and devastating tsunami of conflicting, painful emotional assaults is frightening and robs me of the ability to reason, perceive clearly, and to positively respond and choose a course of action.

Any suggestions?

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