My first time with Reiki

Reiki, Reiki, Reiki. Six months ago when I was on a trip in Bali, I had never before heard the term Reiki. So why I decided to sign up for a Reiki session at the Yoga Barn, a yogi’s paradise that I was staying at in Ubud, is beside me. I think at the time I knew I felt “off” and something along the lines of “Heal your mind, body, and soul” was written on the Reiki brochure . That’s all it took. Maybe the universe knew I needed this and gently nudged me to say “What the fuck, let’s do it”. For whatever reason, I signed up. I fully expected this session to be some sort of spiritual therapy where I would talk to a guru about my issues and then he or she would give me ground shattering advice and I would magically be healed. This was far from the case, but what I experienced was equally profound.

Ok, so first things first — what is Reiki, actually? Good question. Reiki is a form of healing that taps into the energy of the universe to promote health and wellness of body, mind, and spirit. Reiki uses Ki — life force energy — which is the same system that is used in acupuncture. I once heard Reiki described as acupuncture without the needles. The aim is to get energy flowing through the body to release any blockages.

From the International Center for Reiki Healing:

“Reiki is a Japanese technique for stress reduction and relaxation that also promotes healing. It is administered by “laying on hands” and is based on the idea that an unseen “life force energy” flows through us and is what causes us to be alive. If one’s “life force energy” is low, then we are more likely to get sick or feel stress, and if it is high, we are more capable of being happy and healthy.

The word Reiki is made of two Japanese words — Rei which means “God’s Wisdom or the Higher Power” and Ki which is “life force energy”. So Reiki is actually “spiritually guided life force energy.”

A treatment feels like a wonderful glowing radiance that flows through and around you. Reiki treats the whole person including body, emotions, mind and spirit creating many beneficial effects that include relaxation and feelings of peace, security and wellbeing. Many have reported miraculous results.” (https://www.reiki.org/faqs/what-reiki)

Naturally, the International Center for Reiki Healing explains it better than I would, so I’m just going to let them explain. What I’m going to tell you about is my experience with Reiki, and let me tell you — it was life changing.

After signing up, I get to the session totally unaware of what I was in store for. The practitioner offered me a seat and went through some introductory materials. She asked me if there was anything in particular I wanted to get out of the session and if there was anything that I wanted to tell her. “No, not really” is what I got out. I could have told her that I had recently felt void in my life or that I was having trouble feeling confident in my relationships and quite frankly in myself. I could have told her that I was battling with negative self-talk or that I was looking for more spirituality in my life. I could have opened up a bit. But naturally, I pretended like nothing had been on my mind recently and that I was just there to be happy and feel good. With my lackluster explanation for why I was there, we got started. The setup was me laying on my back on a massage table. I was covered in a soft linen with an eye bag over my eyes. There was nice, gentle music in the background, and I could hear the practitioner calmly working around me. The general process was that she would work with her hands either on my skin or closely hovering above it. From my understanding, she (and Reiki practitioners in general) focus a lot of the energy on the human chakra system (another term I had never heard before this Reiki session).

Almost immediately, I could feel this intense feeling in my heart. It felt as though there was pressure on my chest that simultaneously opened up my heart and lifted my chest towards the sky. I felt like energy was flowing through my heart into the rest of my body. It felt good. You know that feeling in your heart when you are falling in love, super happy, or super grateful? The feeling of your heart opening and expanding with joy? It felt like that but more intense. There were also moments when I would feel my arms, fingers, and toes tingling. Then as the session progressed I found myself chanting over and over again “I am enough, I am enough, I am enough”. I now am very into chanting affirmations in meditation, but at the time this was not something that I had experimented with, so this was new to me. As time passed, I found myself in the middle of a pretty vivid flashback from growing up. It was probably one of my last solid memories with an old childhood best friend who I had since drifted from. Why this memory was coming up was bizarre to me, as it was so long ago and I had not thought about it in years. I felt saddened though, a wave of inadequacy rushed through me. Us drifting had not been something that I had hoped for. The flashback faded and I was back in the room. I tried to shake the feeling from the flashback and enjoy the remainder of the meditation. In retrospect, I shouldn’t have tried to shake it. The emotion had come up for a reason, I should have leaned into it. I should have let the emotion have its ride. Instead, I tried to swallow it down. Regardless, I was back to enjoying the meditation, breathing deeply, and tapping into the love in my heart. The Reiki, it felt nice. It was definitely relaxing and rejuvenating. The session ended, though, and I couldn’t help but feel disappointed. Nothing profound or earth shattering.

But after the session, I opened up to the Reiki practitioner and that is where the magic happened. She asked me about my experience, and for a second I thought nothing noteworthy had happened. I considered telling her that “the Reiki felt nice” and leaving it at that. But instead, I told her everything. I told her about the tingling throughout my body and the feeling of my heart opening. Then I told her about my flashback to my childhood friend. I didn’t realize the significance of that flashback and how deeply connected it was with this next part. I told her that I found myself repeating “I am enough” in my head over and over. I tried to hold back tears as I said this, but I couldn’t. I began to sob. I had no idea why I was crying so hard, but I couldn’t control it. In reflection, I understand that my crying was a long overdue release. I was letting go of all the negative energy I had stored inside me from all the times I told myself I wasn’t enough. That people wouldn’t like me. I needed a release and this experience gave it to me. The Reiki session was my opportunity to address childhood “trauma” that I had been holding down for years. Holding me back from my full energetic potential. I had never given myself the permission to explore the possibility that deep down I was wounded and that those wounds still shaped negative thought patterns and programming that were affecting my daily interactions. When I finally collected my tears, my Reiki practitioner told me it was good to cry. To let out the emotions. She told me that during my session she could feel my throat chakra blocked. In non-“woo woo” terms, I was holding down emotions. I was not authentically expressing myself to the world. Happiness, sadness, joy, playfulness. All emotions are just part of life — we owe it to the world to express our emotions wholly and authentically. There is no reason to hold back.

In retrospect, I also realize that my flash back to my childhood friend was not random, but was intimately tied to my feelings of unworthiness. I was a suuuuper shy kid and had trouble connecting with people — especially in my grade school years. Naturally, as life goes on, people drift. Certain friends that I had drifted from, though, I had taken more personally. I thought that it spoke to my unworthiness of having friends versus the transitory nature of life. Growing up, drifting friends reinforced self-deprecating thought patterns that replayed in my head far too often. “They won’t like me”, “What if I’m awkward”, “What will I say” On the surface, I seemed confident, but deep down these insecurities had never fully left my psyche. Since grade school I had always doubted myself, and therefore, I had never fully loved and accepted myself.

If I had not opened up to the Reiki practitioner about these thoughts, feelings and flashbacks, I probably would have had a completely different experience. I would not have realized just how meaningful these small thoughts that passed through me during my Reiki session actually were. I wouldn’t have spent the time reflecting on why things came up as they did, and I wouldn’t have had such a powerful healing experience. But the healing did not stop in Bali. As I came home from Bali and people asked me about my trip, I started telling different people about my experience with Reiki. My boyfriend, my parents, my coworkers, my friends — honestly anyone who would listen. I told them everything — I told them about the tingling and the intense feeling in my heart, and most importantly, I told them about my realization that I had always carried with me this feeling that I was not enough. That people wouldn’t like me. I told them how at the surface I seemed confident but deep down, I always had carried with me the crippling self-doubt. Sharing this story was honestly liberating. The more times I told it, the more healed I felt. Every time I told it, it felt like a more distant memory. Like something of the past. I was letting go of this past version of myself. Don’t get me wrong I cried a lot. I cried in Bali telling my travel buddy about it. I cried on our car ride to our next destination just thinking about it. I sobbed as I told my boyfriend about it. But these weren’t sad tears. These were tears of release. I was letting go. They were tears that I needed to get out to fully heal that part of me. It felt good to cry it out. Oh baby, it felt good. Not only did I tell my story, but since this experience, I have also been actively seeking out healing activities. Chakra clearing meditations, cacao ceremonies, breath work, yoga — you name it, I’m trying it. Some things work better than others, but at the end of the day, I am always trying to raise my energy. To be happier, healthier, more grateful, more understanding, less triggered, less judgmental. Things that fill me up, I do more of. If something raises my energy, I subscribe to it. The thing is, everything in life is energy. We are energy. If we can do something to raise our energy, to make us happier, more grateful, more full of love, why not keep doing it?

So my take away from this experience is to be open-minded and willing to hear the signals that come to you. They might be subtle, so if you are not open and listening you could miss them, but they are there. Listen for them and if something comes up that seems irrelevant, it might be worth talking through with the practitioner. As you speak to it, you might realize that it has more relevance than you initially thought. This applies both during Reiki and just in life. The universe is constantly sending us signals. We are smart enough to perceive these signals if we slow down and listen. However, far too often, the mind and the ego get in the way. Slow down and take the time to listen to your own intuition. Listen to the world. You’ll be surprised with the messages you receive.

For anyone who is interested in exploring Reiki, Melani was my healer and she was amazing! I highly recommend checking her out if you find yourself in Bali :)

Lots of love,

Lo

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