10 Tips for Kanye West to Get Out of Debt

I came up with some excellent ideas for Kanye West to get out of this $53 million dollar hole he’s dug.

  1. Get a second job- There are 8 hours in a day. But if you work two jobs, there are 16 hours in a day. The more hours you work, the more income you will have. It’s simple math. Plus restaurants and bars are always hiring. You could even be a cater waiter. You’ll go to fancy parties, get paid for it, and still be able to talk to your friends when they ask you “What is that? Does this have meat in it?”
  2. Start a Go-Fund-Me- The best part about living in 2016 is that people will just send you money if you are depressing enough. Post a GoFundMe with a sob story and a goal amount. In this case- $53 million dollars. Shoot for the stars, even if you miss, you will still be shooting at something.
  3. Get rid of the luxuries- Do you really need an HBO Now account? Or, gulp, NETFLIX?! Sometimes you need to sacrifice the luxuries of life in order to pay your bills. If you really must see a show, find a friend who has a successful job and ask them if you could borrow their password until you get back on your feet again. Odds are they will say, “Sure, Brian.”
  4. Buy clothes, wear them, and then return them to H&M- Clothing is something we wear every day, just like our hair. Everyone wants to look like a cool rapper, but not everyone can afford it. For the time being, I suggest you buy several outfits from H&M, make sure you keep the tags on and just tuck them in when you are performing on stage. People will still say “Nice sweater vest, Kanye.” And you’ll say “Well don’t get too attached, I’m returning it to H&M in the morning for a full refund. Ssssshhhhh.”
  5. Put your child to work- What is the point of even having kids if they aren’t making you any money? I had a lemonade stand when I was 6. Not only did it teach me how to make lemonade, it also taught me how to make $12 in one whole day.
  6. Start eating at home- If you really want to save money, have all your meals at home. Light some candles, play some music, have your wife come over and write your order down on a notepad and repeat it back to you. It will feel like a restaurant, without all the good food.
  7. Have a garage sale- I’m sure you have a few things you could part with. Not only is this a great chance to practice bargaining, it will also clear up some of the clutter in your life. You could probably sell one of your 21 Grammy’s for money. Always remember: The more Grammy’s you win, the more money you could make off them down the line.
  8. Make your own gifts instead of buying them from a store- The next time one of your friends has a birthday, surprise them with a handmade gift, like an infinity scarf you knitted yourself. They’ll appreciate the time and effort you put in, even if it’s ugly. Or just do what I do and don’t have any friends. If you have no friends, you don’t have to spend money on them I’m going to die alone.
  9. Cut back on those lattes- Sometimes I question why we aren’t using coffee as currency instead of money, I think our Founding Fathers really messed up there but I digress. Say you spend $4/day on a fancy vanilla soy latte from Starbucks, that’s $4 you don’t have. Per day. If there are 34 days in a month, that is $360 dollars, like a full circle. Give up the habit, not only will you be saving money, but you’ll also be losing inches from your waistline. ;)
  10. Walk around with a tip cup- Did you open the door to Starbucks for a random stranger? Put your tip cup out. What’s the worst they could do? Not drop any money in it? I bet for every hundred doors you open, one person will give you money for it. If anything, it is the gentlemanly thing to do.