Thank you so much for sharing this. I recently wrote an article myself describing something similar, but you articulated what I couldn’t find the words for. My suffering matters.
I feel we are so socialized to behave as a servant for all others, particularly men, so much so that it erases our ability to self generate and lead our own lives. This makes it inherent that we diminish our own needs, wants, desires when it makes men uncomfortable, angry, or anything other than content/agreeable. In the article I wrote, I described how being well liked and well received occurs to me, and other women and girls, as more important than advocating for my own needs, even with men who are disrespecting me. It is appalling sometimes. I loved the way you described your experience and I think your message is something all people socialized as girls need to hear. Thank you!