This is a speech of LAUX the author’s performed at her Book Launch celebration for her book To All The Places I’ve Had Sex Before.

The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.

I cannot overemphasize how exciting it is that I’ve gotten to this point. And yall. It has been a process.

Now, I could talk about the coffee shops and bars and WeWorks where I spent my time writing. Or I could give really graphic reenactments of my book. …


Black sexuality has long fueled stereotypes against Black women. Tropes of jezebels, vixens, single mothers, being “too fast,” and “getting thick” were not just the themes of the media that raised me, but were also pervasive in all aspects of my upbringing. It echoed in the whisperings of “grown folks talk,” to who we avoided at church, to who was talked badly about at school. Whether a woman was deemed to be “respectable” or not, often came down to her reputation a.k.a. the public representation of her sexuality. It didn’t matter what she actually did with her partners, what mattered…


When we had sex . . .

When he had sex with me . . .

When he had sex with my body . . .

When he used my body to have sex . . .

I knew what I felt, but I did not have the words.

My first sexual experiences were with my fellow latchkey kids in the third grade. We built forts out of blue and green gymnastics mats. We would spend the first thirty minutes of our supervised free time building a mansion with rooms and hallways. Sometimes the teachers would let us play co-ed…


It’s complicated

10 years ago, an acquaintance told me that my cousin had unwillingly groped her. I didn’t believe her. She had spent the entire night flirting with him and I felt justified in my right to believe him instead of her.

Women being discredited and disregarded is not something new.

We know the facts. One in six women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetimes. Most women will not report it out of fear and shame. When women do report, the perpetrators rarely see jail time. I know these things. I believe these things. And I understand that these are all products of women not being believed.

And yet, I was quick to doubt her. Why did I ignore my beliefs? Because she was a woman, yes. But mostly because she was white.

My most ingrained lessons on white women are…


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No matter how high I turn up the music in my headphones, I can still hear the screams. It is my third month living in New York City, which is more than enough time to grow accustomed to there being interruptions in service. We are held up at Columbus Circle. I assume that a fight has broken out and that someone had been truly hurt because the anguished screams will not let up.

We won’t be going anywhere anytime soon. Succumbing to the fact that I’m going to be late to class, I stare at the white and blue tiles…


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Ever have a crush so bad that your sense of reality is distorted? Ever play out a scenario in your head starring you and someone who doesn’t know that you exist? Ever go all the way with a partner, hoping that the act will make them fall for you?

Story of my life.

I love a crush. I love the feeling of harboring a sense of warmth just for myself. I love the feeling of solely focusing on the good aspects of another human being and believing that perfection is possible. …


Stock photo from nappy.co of a woman sensually being reflected in a mirror.
Stock photo from nappy.co of a woman sensually being reflected in a mirror.
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Audre Lorde told us that, “The erotic is a resource within each of us that lies in a deeply female and spiritual plane, firmly rooted in the power of our unexpressed or unrecognized feeling.” The erotic is a super power that has been suppressed by the path of society.

I’m on a journey to change that.

I grew up in a household that was influenced by fundamentalist family values. Basically, I was taught that sex should exist within the heterosexual marriage, that sex is for procreation, and that children should be protected from sexual information. But also that sex was…

LAUX the author

LAUX (she/her) is an educator, an activist, and an Aquarius. Her boundless curiosity leads to a love of wonder, adventure, and sometimes trouble.

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